I was stuck and depressed for awhile Pretty much for all of February and the preceding months, then I made some changes, but the beginning of March was pretty much the same. I knew that spring break was rapidly approaching and the thought of it was both exciting and daunting I knew that I needed it. Mentally and emotionally I have been SO drained and I need time to relax and renew. At the same time I was daunted and worried that it would be just more of the same and my depression would not change. Finally I made a decision: I decided that I would enjoy this time and be gentle with myself.
My family and I made plans for spring break months ago. We were supposed to go to a resort in Oregon. I have been looking forward to getting away, but when I decided to move out and be on my own I was concerned about not working that week. It was a timely blessing that a friend of mine asked me to house/dogsit for this week. As spring break approached I could tell that I was starting to regret not getting away with my family, but I decided that it was the best decision for ME. Also responsible now that I am on my own. In a sense I have still gotten away since I am not working my everyday job and I have a place to stay that is away from my house yet within walking distance.
With all the stress that has been inundating me; I kind of, well I call it “let myself go” I weigh more than I ever have, but I’m trying hard not to get down on myself for this. It doesn’t help me feel any better when I lay (the guilt ) it on thick. I am glad I know what I need to do to get back on track! My friend Tara and I committed to a daily 30 min. walk and so far I have upheld my commitment! My canine friend Elle has been my workout buddy and it feels good to move my body. I’m hoping to establish a habit of at least walking that way when I start working again and the pace of my life picks up; I am less daunted by the thought of exercise.
I am really enjoying my spring break. Did I mention that I joined my church choir? Well, I did and it feels amazing to sing! After I damaged my vocal cords, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to sing again. Yesterday my friend Mica and I went on a hike around Rampart Ridge near Mount Rainier. We hiked through the snow and the views were breathtaking The whole trip was breathtaking both literally and figuratively and was a reminder of how glorious it feels to be alive. Every step was so empowering to me even though every breath was belabored from being out of shape. When I woke up that morning, all I wanted to do was stay in bed, but now I am SO glad that I went!
I have been walking here, there and everywhere and I got a bus pass. These are definitely some changes in my lifestyle and I am fully embracing them and enjoying the ride… or walk depending on the weather ;).
I have noticed from past self-observation that as it gets closer to the time I have to go back to work; my mind gets flooded by worry or fear that I will get weighed down my depression. This time around I am going to do my best not to worry about this. I am challenging myself to stay positive and look forward to what each day brings. I am going to stay more in the present moment than I have been.
Thank you so much for taking time to read this bit of my story. I hope you are having a wonderful spring break too!
Peace, Joy, and Blessings Always,