Me With No Apologies

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There are a million parts to me. I like to think of myself as a colorful, multi-faceted individual. We all are. There are so many intricacies and parts to us that create who we are. Just like a puzzle and a masterpiece. We may not understand every piece, but we are complete just the way that we are.

I must admit that I’ve been feeling a little lost along the way. I know I am on the right track, but I am still feeling lost…

These past few months have been a whirlwind and fall was definitely a season of change. I moved to a new home even a new city. It has been the biggest blessing because I am happy here. I got offered an even better coaching opportunity with a bigger swim team. This has been a dramatic life change because my old swim team was my family for 3 years. I learned and grew with my swimmers and families then decided it was time to move on.

While my new job has been an opportunity of a lifetime it has also come at a price because I am commuting daily and that adds a new dimension of stress. Also people and things I thought would be in place were not so I have had a chance to be challenged and showcase my skills. The fact is that illnesses and misfortune happen. ” Life happens when we are making other plans.”

I have added yet another layer of change with a shift in my work. I hope I made the right choice. Change is scary and change is a risk. Change is constant.

I do know that this entire year I have been working SO hard. My life has been about my work and it has payed off in many ways. I got torn down, but I picked myself up, stood up for myself and have been rebuilding my life. I took on lots of new challenges and responsibilities and have risen to them all. I have lost some friends, distanced myself from toxic individuals, and have gained some friendships that I believe could last a lifetime.

Work has been my biggest priority and while I know what I want for my life; I will admit that I’ve lost sight of it a little bit. At least the little goals that will bring me closer to the bigger dreams. What’s great is the fact that I can always make time to rediscover those goals and dreams. It just takes time…

Even in the midst of being so busy; somehow I have fallen in love. It was the last thing on my mind and this is a time when I would have least expected it. It has happened when I wasn’t even looking. All it took was a look, a glance, a visual exchange between two souls and a little bit of perseverance on his part. Now I am thinking about him all the time and thanking God for him morning and night. Even though love has touched my life at a time when I don’t know if I am fully ready; I am open to it and taking a leap of faith with him. I love him with All my heart and I want nothing but the best for both of us.

He brings out the best in me, uplifts me, inspires me, and challenges me to not only face my fears, but defeat them. I want to do the same and More for him. With this new relationship I have been reminded that my past still haunts me. In my PAST I have had a tendency to sabotage good things in my life because I feel like I don’t deserve them. I think the key word here is PAST. That is a quirk I can leave in the past if I am brave enough to let it go. I want to be free of this past that has enslaved me by day and haunted me at night keeping me from becoming the best version of myself. Wish me luck on my journey.

As fall turns into winter and the trees are stripped of their leaves; take some time to remember the highs and lows of this 2013 year. Can you believe that we are a month away from a brand new year? Remember, the only limits that are real are the ones we put on ourselves.

Peace, Joy, and Love Always,

~*Alana*~

2 thoughts on “Me With No Apologies

  1. What’s done is done, what’s happening is happening, what lies ahead is up to you, I can promise to be there, your past is not insurmountable, I love you and if you wish I can help you conquer it. I will always be here for you my Darling :).

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