Love has always flowed so freely from my heart. People enter into my life and I find beauty in them. We ALL have our gifts and strengths. Even with our weaknesses and flaws we are still beautiful. I smile and strive to be as uplifting as I can because I know that we can all use some positivity in our lives. I have heard people say that I get attached too easily… When you put it that way; it sounds like a weakness. I am not trying to cling to people. Lean on a crutch. Seek a boost to pull myself up.
What is beautiful about life is that you are a sculptor. You can shape yourself into the person you want to become. And if you do not like who you currently are, you can change. From what I’ve heard; it sounds like I send off a signal and people get the wrong message. I don’t know what it is, but I do want to learn how to protect my heart. I am an open-heart and it opens me up to be hurt.
When I was naive, people took advantage of my kindness and I could barely even recognize it. I became numb and it was easier to protect my heart this way. I could just smile through the pain and pretend everything was just fine. I started to feel safe and started having feelings. It is scary to go from numbness to feeling. I have lost people that I loved and regretted all the times that I kept all the words and hugs on my heart to myself. After the heartbreak of loss I decided that if I loved someone I would let it happen. So now here I am learning how to love. Not just romantic love, but love that is pure and true. I want to love unselfishly, kindly, and unconditionally. I want my love to be more than just the words.
As a recovering perfectionist, I know that I am far from perfect. I have many flaws and I have made my share of mistakes. I am learning to forgive myself and consciously move forward. I am tired of feeling like I am not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough… I am learning how to love and forgive and I hope that someday I will be given true love and forgiveness too.