Lighthearted

Love has always flowed so freely from my heart.  People enter into my life and I find beauty in them.  We ALL have our gifts and strengths.  Even with our weaknesses and flaws we are still beautiful.  I smile and strive to be as uplifting as I can because I know that we can all use some positivity in our lives.   I have heard people say that I get attached too easily…  When you put it that way; it sounds like a weakness.  I am not trying to cling to people.   Lean on a crutch.  Seek a boost to pull myself up.

What is beautiful about life is that you are a sculptor.  You can shape yourself into the person you want to become.  And if you do not like who you currently are, you can change.  From what I’ve heard; it sounds like I send off a signal and people get the wrong message.  I don’t know what it is, but I do want to learn how to protect my heart.  I am an open-heart and it opens me up to be hurt.

When I was naive, people took advantage of my kindness and I could barely even recognize it.  I became numb and it was easier to protect my heart this way.  I could just smile through the pain and pretend everything was just fine.  I started to feel safe and started having feelings.  It is scary to go from numbness to feeling.  I have lost people that I loved and regretted all the times that I kept all the words and hugs on my heart to myself.  After the heartbreak of loss I decided that if I loved someone I would let it happen.  So now here I am learning how to love.  Not just romantic love, but love that is pure and true.  I want to love unselfishly, kindly, and unconditionally.  I want my love to be more than just the words.

As a recovering perfectionist, I know that I am far from perfect.  I have many flaws and I have made my share of mistakes.  I am learning to forgive myself and consciously move forward.  I am tired of feeling like I am not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough…  I am learning how to love and forgive and I hope that someday I will be given true love and forgiveness too.

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