How Will I Ever Succeed If I Don’t Believe In Me?

Why the heck would I continue studying computers if I don’t understand it and I feel lost ALL THE TIME?!?!

  1. I need to acquire some practical skills that will help me to make a living.
  2. Our world is moving in the direction of computers and technology.
  3. I want to stay up to date and relevant in this current day and age.
  4. I want to improve my problem-solving skills.
  5. I need to overcome my fear of computers and technology.
  6. I don’t want to waste my time in school.
  7. I want to choose a career path and stick with it.
  8. I want to study and work in a field that has many opportunities and room for growth.
  9. My boyfriend studied computers and is thriving with his career and business.  He got me started on this path.

Those are my personal reasons for studying computers and if I were to be completely honest with myself; I have been fighting it.  I used to always call myself “old-fashioned” and I would let the “smarter people” help me solve my computer problems.  A year ago I didn’t even own a computer so I kind of had a valid excuse.

I programmed myself into thinking that I would always be behind with technology and I had accepted the fact that I would probably never catch-up…  Pathetic, I know.

So I have been out of practice with studying and it is so hard for me to sit still and concentrate.  I have come up with countless excuses.  I think my biggest fear is that I am too behind and even if I apply myself and put a lot of effort into it; it won’t matter.  Because I am too behind to catch up.

It is almost as if I have given up…   What am I going to do if I give up?  Work at the swimming pool forever?  I sure as heck hope not!

I have gotten better about getting a balance in my life and I have work and working out under control (most of the time).  My problem is that I have allowed EVERYTHING else in my life to come before my studies because I am so afraid of failure.  I procrastinate, put myself down, and don’t believe in myself.

How will I ever expect to succeed if I don’t even believe in myself?!?!?!

My action clearly shows that I don’t want it badly enough.  Here I am trying to study technology and we are in the “age of technology.”  I have a whole world of resources open and available to me, but I am not taking full advantage of it.  I always saw math and sciences as my weakness.  My end goal in school is to get my Bachelor’s of Science.  I definitely won’t get it with my current attitude.

My boyfriend has an advantage because he has always been interested in computers.  It was his hobby growing up and he loves his job because he gets paid to do what he loves.  I feel like I am coming forward with a disadvantage because I didn’t have my own computer or the opportunity to learn.

 How do I suddenly become interested in something that never made sense to me in the past?

I hate to admit that I feel like one of those kids who adamantly swears that swimming is stupid and dumb and not worth learning.   They try to quit and get out of the class.  And the reason is almost always because they don’t know how to swim.  They might have gotten into the water once or twice and “tried,” but they are shut off to learning because they have given up way before they even had a chance to learn.

Then on the other hand, there are those people that I admire with all my heart.  They might have come to me having no idea how to swim or even float.  Day after day they come back and struggle away.  I give them pointers here and there and they listen and try things.  Before long, they are swimming with the BEST of them.  They never gave up and it payed off.

I want to be one of those people that never gave up.  I will struggle in the beginning, but I want to overcome all those obstacles and be able to look back and say to myself that it was ALL WORTH-IT!!!

I need some inspiration so here are some reasons to study computer science that I found online:

  1. Computing and technology is a part of Everything that we do. – Understanding computing is a necessary skill set for the educated person in the 21st century (I want to be a part of that educated group.)  Computing touches every aspect of our lives from the cars we drive, to the movies we watch, the way we communicate with others, and the ways that business and the government deals with us.
  2. Expertise in computing allows you to solve complex and challenging problems.-No matter what your interests are; computing is a discipline that offers rewarding and challenging possibilities for a wide range of people.  It requires and develops capabilities in solving deep and multidimensional problems that require imagination and sensitivity to a variety of concerns.
  3. Computing enables you to make a difference in the world. -I always wanted to make a difference in the world in some way.  I used to think that I could do it if I became a doctor or joined the Peace Corps and traveled the world.  Or maybe by doing both.   Become a doctor first then do mission work.  Computing drives innovation in the sciences, and also in engineering, education, business, and entertainment.  I can still make a difference in the world equipped with computer skills and if I study hard and smart it could take me less time than pursuing a medical degree.
  4. Computing offers many types of lucrative careers and job opportunities. -Computing jobs are among the highest paid and have the highest job satisfaction. Computing is very often associated with innovation, and developments in computing tend to drive it. This, in turn, is the key to national competitiveness. The possibilities for future developments are expected to be even greater than they have been in the past.
  5. Computing jobs are here to stay regardless of where you are located.-There actually are more computing jobs than qualified people to fill them in the United States. The Bureau of Labor Statistics projects growth rates between 12% and 37% in computing and information technology occupations from 2012 through 2022. If you consider the expected growth in computing, it’s easy to see that companies simply need more talent. Don’t miss out on pursuing the large number of open positions available right now.

I think that for now these 5 reasons will be enough inspiration to help me get going.  Trust me, there’s a lot more.  So right here and right now I am going to start over and give myself a chance.  I have always fantasized about the idea of learning different languages and travelling the world.  Here is my opportunity!  I can learn computer programming languages and someday my computer skills will be my passport to travel the world.

It is my hope that a year from now, I will write another blog post and talk about how much I have learned and have grown in the world of computers.  I am NOT giving up.  This is a fresh start and a promise to myself that I will not quit!

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