“Time Heals” was the answer I got when I told my 1st true love I still loved them after the break up.
I was hurting at the time. Dazed, confused, and missing my best friend.
The worst part was that the break up was my decision.
I had a constant fear that I was never good enough. This person was with me because they felt sorry for me. And any day I would just mess up…
Shattered remnants from my abusive past.
A past where I was told that everything was my fault and I couldn’t do anything right.
A past where I was un-love-able and useless in the eyes of a drunken loser who just couldn’t let me go.
I was young, naive, in my early twenties (I had practically been a teenager when we met) and I believed his force-fed lies for longer than I would like to admit.
The lies leaked into my life after him and replayed tapes of negative, self-defeating, and self-sabotaging messages.
Over 2 years of constant heartbreak and then 2 years later the biggest heartbreak in my life (caused by my own fears and insecurities).
It was difficult to go through and I cried myself to sleep many nights.
I needed to be shattered into pieces and broken open so that I could be alone with myself and see what was inside of me.
Find out what was really important.
And begin piecing myself together and creating a beautiful mosaic of a life.
I needed to reinvent myself and heal. Get to a point where I could let go of the past and want a better life for myself.
I have had my ups and downs through the years and somewhere along the way I have learned that there is so much more to life than living in your past.
I want to learn, grow, thrive, challenge myself, and ask myself “what do I have to give?” Rather than “What can I get?”
I didn’t do it alone. I had friends and family for support.
And my true love who doesn’t allow me to stay stuck in the past.
Now I want real things that will last.
It IS True what they say.