If You Could Change One Thing…”It’s my birthday I can cry if I want to…”

If you could change one thing about yourself; what would it be?

I have noticed that I have been a little extra stubborn lately.  It seems like I spent the past several months making plans for my birthday.  I wanted to go to the Korean spa and have a nice spa day so that I could be alone with my thoughts and reflect on who I was and who I would like to become.  I have even saved more money just so that I could splurge today.

Yesterday morning I scheduled the appointment and I figured that it would be perfect timing because my boyfriend works in the morning.  When I told him about it he suggested that we save money before our trip.  Then he took back his idea and said that if I wanted to go I could because it was my birthday.  I immediately agreed, but then I also felt so disappointed.  I had made these elaborate plans that were, yes, a little over indulgent, but I had been looking forward to it for awhile.

On the other hand, Christopher bought us these expensive tickets to travel the world with and they are supposed to be a birthday gift for both of us since our birthdays are almost exactly a month apart.  That is the best birthday gift ever!!!  Together we are going to pursue our lifelong childhood dreams.

Lately he has been staying up into the early hours of the morning (sometimes until 5 am) working hard.  And I have been going to bed as soon as I get tired.  Yesterday he discovered that this late night schedule will actually line up perfectly with the place that we are travelling to.  Last night he suggested that I start staying up and keeping the same hours as him so that we would have a smooth transition to the hours abroad.  I honestly had to slightly bite my lip to keep myself from throwing a fit…

I wanted to have certain things done before I turned 28.  I wanted my house to be immaculate.  My bathroom to sparkle and shine and I wanted to make about 2 dozen goodwill drop offs (I am in the process of decluttering before our big trip).  But sadly none of that got done.

I kept silently asking myself “why should I have to change my hours on my birthday?!?!  Why can’t I do whatever the hell I want?”  In a sense that’s true, but I can also see the rationale behind Christopher’s idea.  I was also pissed because I wanted to wake up early and go for a run…  Yeah, lately I have been feeling like things haven’t been going my way and staying up late has been driving me nuts.  At least now staying up late is going to contribute to the greater good and my future.

This morning I didn’t go to bed until 5 am and I skipped my spa appointment.  I am honestly still disappointed and feel like things are not going my way…  Or at least the way that I planned them.

And that is  something I want to personally work on.  I like to plan ahead.  I get super excited about the future when I know that the logistics have been worked out.  I can tell that Christopher is more adventurous and does things more on a whim.  He doesn’t mind saving lots of money on a less glamorous room and he is open to camping, but when it comes to the important things like buying a house and eating delicious food he never skimps.  He is able to make plans then seamlessly change them depending on his work load or need.  Up until this point it has driven me somewhat crazy because we have made plans in the past and I have gotten super excited then suddenly when work gets hectic the plans swiftly change and I end up disappointed.

There has got to be a way to make this work for both of us.  I know that when the plans change it is not a calculated scheme to cancel my plans; things just end up happening that way and he always makes it up to me.  When I make plans I am going to work on being more flexible, but also making sure that I am doing what I WANT to do not just because other people want me to do it.  I always have the choice.

I don’t want a change of plans to make me bitter for the rest of my birthday.  Yes, I chose not to go to the spa that’s on me.  I still could have gone if I really had my heart set on it.

I didn’t accomplish everything that I wanted to before my birthday and that’s okay.  I am a high striver and I set high goals for myself, but I don’t want to feel like a failure if I don’t make my goals a reality.

I want today to be a good day and I am going  to make it that way no matter what happens.  Yes, I didn’t get the early start that I hoped for, but there is a good explanation for that.  Today I just want to be happy and pleasant and most of all JOYFUL.  I have so many blessings to be grateful for and so much to look forward to!

If I could change one thing about myself right here and now it would be to go with the flow without giving up.  If things do not happen exactly how I wanted them to, I will not pout.  I will accept it, move forward, and still be happy and pleasant to be around.

I hope this post didn’t make me sound like a big baby.  Christopher treats me like a princess and I am happier than I have ever been and I will admit that he spoils me.  I have noticed lately that I have been more grumpy and self-centered than necessary.  I don’t like that about myself so I am going to change it.

One of my goals is to have a healthy and happy relationship and  that is going to take compromise.  I am up for this because I know it will all be worth-it!

How do you deal when things don’t go your way?  Comment below to share and have a lovely day!

Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

Alana Xoxoxo


7 thoughts on “If You Could Change One Thing…”It’s my birthday I can cry if I want to…”

  1. I love this song of Kiiara (source of inspiration for my many posts:)). As to your question – when things don’t go my way then I think that they go my way I just don’t know it yet at that moment 🙂 – everything is going always how it has to go but we usually see it only some time afterwards. The idea of having control is for me an illusion, you can force things to move in some direction but you never know what the result of it can be (maybe an opposite reaction?). So I follow my intuition, make wishes and wait for the results😀

  2. Happy birthday Alana! I saw a movie a long time ago called Heartbreak Ridge with Clint Eastwood. There was a line in there that stuck with me… “adapt and improvise.” I look at schedules and plans as general guides as I cannot control every little circumstance in my life, because quite frankly, sh*t happens. Let go of control, go with the flow, and adapt and improvise… well, it works for me anyway. 😀

    1. Thank you Paula! “Adapt and improvise” I like that. I am also going to watch Heartbreak Ridge now. I like Clint Eastwood films :). I hope you are having a wonderful summer! Thanks again for the advice 🙂

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