I don’t exactly regret what I have done and where I have been up until this point. My life has had its ups and downs and I have learned so many lessons along the way. I do like who I am becoming, but if I am completely honest with myself; I would say that I am concerned and a little worried about myself.
What are my concerns & worries?
- I am getting older. I am 28 now and that just seems a little… well, old.
- I feel like I should have more to show for my life. I always thought that by now I would have a professional career. Or be married with a family… Just some form of accomplishment beyond “making it” through my early and mid-twenties.
- I wish I had more practical skills. Let’s face it, I have worked at a swimming pool for the past 10 + years. Lifeguarding, teaching swim lessons, teaching water group fitness, managing, coaching swim team, you name it. If it takes place at a swimming pool I have probably done it. I definitely love coaching, but time has taught me that a career in the pool arena does not provide a live-able wage.
- I want to be stronger. My feelings get easily hurt and I allow the words and actions of others to bring me down farther and longer than I should.
- I have severe anxiety. For example, I finally made a decision about my studies and I officially start classes this upcoming Monday. That is up and coming so FAST and I don’t feel ready for this at all.
- I live a life of fear. I think being afraid is a bad habit and it holds me back in life.
- I still have SEVERELY low confidence and self-esteem. I hate this about myself and I want to change it.
- I don’t have the discipline to get healthy and stay in shape. I still lack willpower and I cope with food.
- I feel like people take me for granted and disrespect me. I try so hard to be good to the people that I love, but get upset and deeply hurt when they take me for granted.
- I don’t feel like I am enough. I never feel like I am good enough, strong enough, healthy enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough, loveable enough… And it hurts.
It must sound like I am having a pity party and maybe I am. I have all these fears, doubts, and insecurities swirling around in my mind and honestly, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry. I mean that somewhat jokingly, of course.
These are the daily battles that I have fought for most of my life and the fact is that they will not go away until I CHANGE.
- We are all growing older. It is just a fact of life and beyond the wonders of modern technology; no one can turn back time. I don’t want to spend my life beating myself up for growing older. Instead I will take better care of myself and better myself.
- Yeah, this one is tough. I will take responsibility for the time that I wasted, the days that I slacked off, and all the years that I felt like I was not good enough. I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can sure as heck direct my future!!!
- I have been working hard to acquire computer skills and I am officially studying computer science in school. I don’t think that I have been pushing myself as much as I should and could so I better start now. Everyone has to start somewhere,right? I want to take off and run with it!!!
- I used to annoy my peers by saying, “Nervousness only comes from a lack of preparation.” I need to take my own advice and work my ass off to achieve excellence.
- Switch 4 and 5 please! I need to set my mind, heart, and soul on being strong and not allowing others to get me down. If the tears happen, that’s okay but I won’t let myself drag through the day.
- From now on if I have ANY fear in my life it will stand for: Fight Everyday And Rise.
- I need to work harder on bettering myself mentally, physically, personally, intellectually, and spiritually.
- I am going to start running again and hitting the gym. It is time for my new life to begin!
- I will not allow others to have so much power over me anymore. It is a sorry excuse and I don’t want to be a sorry person.
- I am enough and I can be so much MORE! Time to take action.