This past week was less productive than the week before. It was the 2nd week of classes and I already felt like I was behind and playing catch-up. This stress weighed me down and was paralyzing for the rest of the week. Even this weekend, I have not been as productive as I would have hoped to be.
I need to change the way that I think of this learning experience. I need to accept and expect it to be challenging and push myself to rise to the occasion. I go to class feeling overwhelmed and intimidated because it feels like all the other students already know about the things we are learning and for me; I am reading and learning about them for the 1st time. My biggest fear has always been being behind and being lost and I am currently both of those things so I might as well start learning so that I can be less lost. Thankfully, this week I didn’t sweat as much in my classes so that is progress!
I made some challenging choices too. I was signed up to sing with the College Chorus and loved that our theme was songs by Duke Ellington, but the issue was that on Tuesdays my college class ends at 3 and then I have to be back at 6 pm for rehearsal. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, I decided that I needed to sacrifice those two credits so that I could spend all that time studying rather than traveling to and from campus. It was past the deadline to drop courses, but luckily, after speaking with the Registration Office; they made an exception for me. It is another form of “Delayed Gratification” where I am giving up some fun now so that I can study. That way I can have fun in the future. I feel like it was a responsible choice for me to make.
What else happened? In my first week of school, my puppy Ruby was just fine. Cheerful, energetic, and running around, but when I got home from school she was nursing her left paw, limping, and shaking. No one really knows what happened so I brought her to the vet and found out that she has a smashed toe. Poor puppy… Thankfully she has no broken bones and she will be okay. I just feel bad for the poor little girl. She is on pain medicine and antibiotics and I soak her paw in epsom salt.
The good news is that our home gym has arrived! I will write a post about that in the near future so stay tuned!!!
Something that I am realizing about myself is that I settle into seeing the worries and the stresses in my life. It is as if they are written in bold text so I focus on them more than anything else and those stresses and worries rule my life like my fears used to. Instead, I want to give those entities less sway and power in my life. In fact I want to shove them into storage and forget about my fears, worries, and stress.
I have spent years struggling and working multiple jobs. Working so hard and trying to get back into school. I finally made it and even though I feel unprepared and very unsure of myself and my knowledge; I also got into the Computer Science Program. In the past, I always doubted myself and worried that I was not smart enough to learn certain things. I am going to use the rest of this quarter and this program as an opportunity to prove myself wrong.
I have spent enough time worrying about failing and failing and that has not served me well so it is time to change the way things are around here. I need to start winning and believing in myself.
I can’t forget the fact that right here and now, I have the luxury of learning right here for my taking. I just need to “Carpe Diem” it up!
I want October to be the month when I had some intellectual breakthroughs happen!
Examine true rules
Stimulate the mind in new ways
How is October treating you so far? If you are still reading this, I want to thank you with all my heart for taking some time out of your day and reading about me and my life. Feel free to add a link to your site in the comments below. I would love to pay you a visit too.
Have a lovely week, my Dear Darling Friends!!!!
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,