I’m about to get personal here…
At the age of 20 I took a train down to California with a heart-full of hopes and the worst migraine in my life( that could have been a sign right there and then). I landed in Oakland and was ready to start school in the Bay Area. I ended up being in a terrible mentally and physically abusive relationship and was engaged for over 2 years. I stayed because I “thought I was in love” and I was brainwashed. I thought that if I could just “fix myself” then everything would be better. At that time, I could not see the fact that I was not broken and if I had to name that time in my life I would call it: “NOT My Brightest Moment.”
Throughout that time my ex wanted to get married, but as much as I thought I was in love; I also knew that something was not right. I told him that “We can’t get married until you meet my Grandma.” He wanted to have kids, but as much as we tried, it just didn’t happen. He would say the meanest things to me like: “There must be something so wrong with you that you can’t have kids.” Or “You must be broken.” “You must have aids.” Just some of the most heartbreaking and mean things you could ever imagine… I felt so inadequate, broken, and worried that I would never be able to have a child…
One day, I made up my mind to collect all of my courage and make my great escape…That is another story in and of itself… 2 years later in 2012 I found out that I had a tumor on one of my ovaries and polycystic ovaries. Again I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to bear children. I was heart broken and felt broken again but then I realized that
This was probably a blessing in disguise.
Maybe I had had my condition during the years that I was in that nightmarish abusive relationship and it kept me from having kids with the wrong person. I knew that if I had had a child with him, I probably would have never left, but I might not have lived through the violence and abuse…
In 2013 I thought that I would have to have the tumor surgically removed, but when I got another ultrasound and CAT scan I found out that the tumor had disappeared on its own. Another blessing!
Through the years I struggled financially and was not able to pay off those medical bills even working multiple jobs.
Last summer, I found out that I was pregnant and was happy about the surprise, but was heartbroken when I lost the child in a miscarriage a week later. It was a heartbreaking and emotional time, but we got through it together.
I had more medical bills… Yesterday, I was able to pay off all of my bills and it was a bittersweet feeling. I was reminded of the pains and heartbreak of my past, but being able to pay off my balances provided me with some closure.
I have a little less money in the bank, but now I am debt free. And I can move on with my life.
So the next time that you life has got you feeling down just remember:
“Yesterday’s sorrow could be tomorrow’s celebration.”
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,