I can tell that I am making progress…
Some facets of my life are coming together and are becoming beautifully polished. Facets that were always a struggle in my past. For the 1st time ever, these pieces are starting to make sense and I am piecing together the puzzle that used to baffle and frustrate me. My health. Nutrition. Relationship. I feel overjoyed. Thrilled. Happy. Supported. Too Blessed to be stressed.
Now all my doubts, fears, and insecurities are consolidated in one place… I am trying to face them, but I feel like I am failing at conquering them. It is not easy to face your fears directly. Walk up to them and give them a piece of your mind. It consumes your mind, heart, and soul to overcome them. And mine have me sweating uncontrollably, feeling lost, scared, and alone.
I am not giving up, but I feel like I am failing and it’s NOT from lack of trying. I am trying so hard and I am making great progress, but my pace is too slow. I worry that I am not cut out for this. In fact, I am the wrong fabric. It is so hard for me because I need to re-fabricate myself to be more resilient and malleable.
I have everything I need to succeed, but the fears and doubts in my mind have created a blockade in my brain. This blockade is damn good at keeping things out especially the knowledge that I need to succeed. My fears are the soldiers that fight and sabotage me. I spent years believing and accepting that I would never be able to do this. And now here I am boldly doing the thing I never thought I could do. I still feel like I don’t belong here.
I want this so badly, but my mind plays games and tricks on me. It tells me that it is impossible.
I need to start believing that I’M POSSIBLE