In This Space

Throughout this week I woke up in the middle of the night because my right hand was painfully numb.

I think I must have slept on it wrong…

In the middle of the day while I was playing Starcraft my hand went numb again and it was hard to wake it up.

I relied on too many peppermint mochas to keep me awake throughout the day.

And I whipped up some sugar cookie dough for a cookie-making party that never happened.

In the meantime I made mug sugar cookies and topped them with peppermint ice cream.  I tossed in some chocolate chips which were delish.  And my muggy sugar cookies inspired me to make chocolate chip sprinkle pancakes this morning.

My clothes don’t quite hang right.  I am lethargic and dragging.

So much to do, but so little energy.

I no longer have the pressure to look or be a certain way in my relationship like I did in the past.

It has been hard for me to turn away anything yummy and my cravings have been stronger than ever.

I am at least 30 pounds heavier than I was a year ago and 20 pounds more than I was this summer.  I think those midnight munchy runs might be to blame.

My lack of activity has been remarkably lame.

I have recognized a few faces when I’ve been out and about, but instead of saying hello; I walk the other way and hideout.

Somewhat ashamed that I am not in the space that I would like to be.

My life is full of blessings and I have all the love and support that I need.  Everyone’s support but my own.

I hate to admit that rockbottom I’ve hit…  Or at least my heaviest weight.

There are big changes to make on the horizon for me.

Right now I am IN THIS SPACE, but before long I will be heading to a BETTER place.

9 thoughts on “In This Space

  1. Heavy and deep, but so relatable… Getting up and having the feeling that waves are crashing against your body. Smiling to your environment, while your body screams: “Run for your life!!! Run!!”. Feeling utterly misunderstood, but not having the energy to counter it… Indeed, it is important to know, that better times will come. Love, Sarah

  2. Beautiful honesty! Highly commendable! And guess what, most people (I’d like to think we ALL) were at some point guilty of some form of “letting loose”. And this is not even something to be ashamed about. If you feel so compelled to “improve”, then I wish you the best.

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