Hello My Dear Darling Friends!
This past week was tiring and a lot less productive than last week. I know why. It snowed and so school was cancelled the first 2 days of the week then I did not get the memo that we had class the 3rd day so I missed that. I was hoping to redeem myself over the weekend, but we had to deal with emergencies up north twice which means nearly 3 hours of driving one way if traffic is bad. I was really looking forward to a school field trip on which we were going to watch a modern dance company. Sadly, I was not able to make it back in time.
To top it all off I got a painful little slap on the wrist for not being consistent with my household chores. It was a very civil conversation that was not meant to illicit hard feelings or emotions, but I could not help but feel embarrassed and defensive. I have noticed that the state of my room is similar to my mental state. I guess that term “messy bed messy head” is accurate. Thankfully we got through it and I am going to work on being more organized and consistent. I always knew that it should be something for me to concentrate on. I always operate best in a clean and organized atmosphere. I have a feeling everyone does.
On Friday evening I was so disappointed about missing the performance then on Saturday I missed my classes. It was a heavy weekend. Then on Sunday night we had to head north again to deal with some business issues. I kind of felt like I was wasting my time, but I know that my support was important to my boyfriend. I think that is part of the compromise and sacrifice-factor.
I learned something about myself… If I am hurt or disappointed it is challenging for me to let things go. I allow myself to dwell on the problems and they end up bringing my morale down a couple of notches. I want to change this about myself.
Additionally I have been down on myself for my weight. This is the heaviest I have ever been. I need to start scheduling in a workout routine for myself. I also want to start preparing my meals ahead of time to save my waistline and my wallet.
So I guess you could say that I am dealing with the “same old same old.” I feel like this time is different…
Today after my morning class at school I got a feeling… The kind of feeling that you get when you just know that something could be wrong. So what did I do? I called mom and dad. They were busy at the time, but quickly called back. My dad was in the clinic for a kidney transplant consultation and my mom asked me to stay with him while she dealt with some other pressing business. I was thankful that my timing was right and I was able to be there for my dad.
My dad has stage IV kidney disease and needs to find a donor for a transplant so that hopefully he will not have to go on dialysis. My heart sank at the news. Every disease and health problem stabbed at my heart more and more. I could feel the tears welling up when he told the doctor that he gets out of breath even from walking in his ordinary life. He has also had to live with Type I Diabetes since his early thirties along with heart disease, gout, kidney failure. And the list goes on. I know that a lot of it has to do with being overweight, poor nutrition, and lack of exercise. We have been a one-income family for over 26 years and even now he has to wake up around 3:30 because he commutes to work. He has made tremendous sacrifices for his family and his health has suffered severely. The whole thing breaks my heart. I am sorry.
I am not trying to get everyone’s pity. I think I just needed a moment to vent beyond journaling. I also wanted to re-affirm publicly how much I need to clean up my act and clean up my life.
I am so blessed to have an amazing family and an amazing boyfriend. I better take better care of myself so that I can increase my quality of life. I think that this sad news regarding my dad is meant to be a blessing in disguise and a call of action to us all.
Focus On Faith
- Learn about faith.
- Count my blessings.
- Actively build my confidence.
- Believe in myself.
I have been very down and hard on myself about my weight again. I think it really is time for me to actively take action!
How many of you have a good morning and evening routine? Please comment below to share. I would love to hear all about it.
I hope you all had a very Happy Valentine’s Day! I want you all to know that your love, support, and encouragement means so much to me!!!
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,
❤ Alana Xoxoxo