Last night I was in bed going through my recent pics on my phone. Then all of a sudden I clicked something and then noticed that I was Skyping this photo to my boyfriend.” Ahhhh! How do I stop it?! How do I take it back? It’s too embarrassing I can’t let it go through!” But it was too late. The damage had been done! DAMN…
I’m not knocking it for those of you who do, but we have never been the couple who sends each other sexy body pictures. And I’m definitely NOT saying that this picture of me is sexxy… Quite the opposite actually. We are both modest and if any pictures get exchanged they are usually Always of our cats and the dog.
Now the next question is why in the world do I have this picture of myself? Well, I have been taking weekly pictures every saturday morning in my leotard hoping that I will see progress. We have a fitness journal project due at the end of the quarter and we were supposed to create graphs and discuss signs of progress so I thought taking weekly pictures would help, but I never wanted Anyone else to see them!!!
Or I was thinking that someday once I do lose my extra weight that these would work as good before pics, but I wasn’t expecting to show them off so soon. Thankfully he didn’t say anything and it will probably be one of those situations where we just don’t talk about it.
I do have to say that having social media like facebook and especially instagram helped me stay on track image-wise. I guess those shallow “likes” stood for something. It has been nearly 2 years since I have had social media and this was a good wake-up call for me to get back on track and start liking myself again. Here are some of my favorite instapics from the past:
See?!?! There was once a time when I was actually in decent shape and I felt great about myself. I really want to get back to that point.
Now let’s address the Big Giant elephant in the room. I know, it’s sad that I am that afraid of my boyfriend seeing a picture of me. He is always supportive of me at any size, but I also know that he wants both of us to get healthy and feel strong.
My family has a history of many diseases and ailments including: Diabetes, heart disease, kidney failure, high cholesterol. Knowing this should be enough to motivate me to take better care of myself, but sometimes I let my depression get the best of me and I feed it food which sweeps me into a downward spiral…
I want this change and I want the change to come from within me so that it sticks. In the past I have had weightloss success with personal training (but that cost $260 a month! Money that I don’t currently have), being anorexic (in middle school through highschool) this option is out because it is so unhealthy, and drastic calorie restrictions (but that is not a healthy option either).
It feels like there are programs and lots of help offered everywhere I turn, but every option comes at a re-occurring price. I understand that it is because the greatest investment we can ever make is our health and that is so important. At the same time, I am familiar with many of the exercises and workouts that get prescribed by personal trainers. Then it is tempting to join a Cross-fit type gym because it is the cool thing to do, but that comes at a price too.
So here I am. I am determined to change my habits and grow stronger without taxing my wallet. I know that there are still many available resources. The defining factor is ME and the choices that I choose to make on a daily basis.
How do I deal with stress?
What foods do I choose to fuel my body with?
What activities can I stick with consistently that bring me joy and increase fitness?
I want to rescue my self-confidence and today is a great day to begin!
Please join me on my journey!!! Together we can accomplish GREAT things!!!
Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,
❤ Alana Xoxoxo