Humiliation to the Highest Degree

Oh gosh…

Last night I was in bed going through my recent pics on my phone.  Then all of a sudden I clicked something and then noticed that I was Skyping this photo to my boyfriend.” Ahhhh!  How do I stop it?!  How do I take it back?  It’s too embarrassing I can’t let it go through!”  But it was too late.  The damage had been done!  DAMN…

This one was NOT meant to be seen by Anybody!

I’m not knocking it for those of you who do, but we have never been the couple who sends each other sexy body pictures.  And I’m definitely NOT saying that this picture of me is sexxy…  Quite the opposite actually.  We are both modest and if any pictures get exchanged they are usually Always of our cats and the dog.

Now the next question is why in the world do I have this picture of myself?  Well, I have been taking weekly pictures every saturday morning in my leotard hoping that I will see progress.  We have a fitness journal project due at the end of the quarter  and we were supposed to create graphs and discuss signs of progress so I thought taking weekly pictures would help, but I never wanted Anyone else to see them!!!

Or I was thinking that someday once I do lose my extra weight that these would work as good before pics, but I wasn’t expecting to show them off so soon.  Thankfully he didn’t say anything and it will probably be one of those situations where we just don’t talk about it.

I do have to say that having social media like facebook and especially instagram helped me stay on track image-wise.  I guess those shallow “likes” stood for something.  It has been nearly 2 years since I have had social media and this was a good wake-up call for me to get back on track and start liking myself again.  Here are some of my favorite instapics from the past:

See?!?!  There was once a time when I was actually in decent shape and I felt great about myself.  I really want to get back to that point.  

Now let’s address the Big Giant elephant in the room.  I know, it’s sad that I am that afraid of my boyfriend seeing a picture of me.  He is always supportive of me at any size, but I also know that he wants both of us to get healthy and feel strong.

My family has a history of many diseases and ailments including: Diabetes, heart disease, kidney failure, high cholesterol.  Knowing this should be enough to motivate me to take better care of myself, but sometimes I let my depression get the best of me and I feed it food which sweeps me into a downward spiral…

I want this change and I want the change to come from within me so that it sticks.  In the past I have had weightloss success with personal training (but that cost $260 a month!  Money that I don’t currently have), being anorexic (in middle school through highschool) this option is out because it is so unhealthy, and drastic calorie restrictions (but that is not a healthy option either).

It feels like there are programs and lots of help offered everywhere I turn, but every option comes at a re-occurring price.  I understand that it is because the greatest investment we can ever make is our health and that is so important.  At the same time, I am familiar with many of the exercises and workouts that get prescribed by personal trainers.  Then it is tempting to join a Cross-fit type gym because it is the cool thing to do, but that comes at a price too.

So here I am.  I am determined to change my habits and grow stronger without taxing my wallet.  I know that there are still many available resources. The defining factor is ME and the choices that I choose to make on a daily basis.   

How do I deal with stress?

What foods do I choose to fuel my body with?

What activities can I stick with consistently that bring me joy and increase fitness?

I want to rescue my self-confidence and today is a great day to begin!

Please join me on my journey!!!  Together we can accomplish GREAT things!!!

Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

❤ Alana Xoxoxo

19 thoughts on “Humiliation to the Highest Degree

  1. Wow, thanks for sharing your experiences. It seems we all face struggles in our journey. Accidentally sending a photo to your boyfriend seems to be embarrassing, but you seemed to muster up the courage to post it here!

    1. Thanks Jacob!
      Yeah, I had to find away to face it then “save face” and I guess I have a strange way of doing that :). Yes, we all have these little struggles.
      I learned that the way that I feel about my body and shape really affects my confidence and the way I carry myself. I guess I wanted to snapshot the moment and magnify it, then re-frame it. I am looking forward to looking back on it and seeing the progress I will hopefully make from this point.
      Thanks again and have a wonderful week!!!

  2. Thanks for sharing, Alana. I find some free exercise apps are quite useful. I use it at home whenever I get 15-30 mins free time.

  3. I know it can be hard to stick to a routine, especially when it comes to working out. I just bought a new program, bodyboss method and I’m excited to start it in a few days when it arrives! Maybe we can hold each other accountable.

    1. Hi Linda!
      It is super exciting that your bodyboss method program is arriving soon! I just looked it up online and it looks like a great comprehensive program. Yes, I would love it if we can hold each other accountable.
      I got a wake up call yesterday in dance class. I was feeling great throughout class, but at the very end we were practicing our final piece in front of the class when my leg went “crack and crunch” I think I might have pulled or strained a muscle. It made me realize that there are a lot of things I can do to take care of myself and my body both nutrition-wise and activity-wise.
      I admit it. I have taken things for granted and still put daily demands on my body. I think it is time to show it the respect and TLC it deserves.
      Tell me more about your new program and some of your goals!

      ❤ Alana

      1. My main objective right now is just to start it and stick to it. I’m not looking to lose any weight, just maintain my current weight and gain muscle mass. I need to tighten my legs, arms, and belly. I will keep you posted on how its going!
        I hope your leg feels better!!

      2. That is awesome! You can do it. Yes, I think that consistency is one of the most valuable habits we can create especially when it comes to working out and living a healthy lifestyle.
        I am with you on this!!! I am going to spend the rest of the week recovering, but also becoming more in tune with my body and learning what I can do in the mean time even if it means just going for a gentle walk or doing a couple of bicep curls.
        I do have a fair amount of weight to lose, but this time around I am going to focus on consistency and building muscle. Nothing too extreme.

        Yes, please keep me posted and I will do the same!

        ❤ Alana

  4. Hi Alana!!! thx for sharing lovely! It’s a very annoying but ever present topic. It keeps your mind busy, but you also want to enjoy your life… Because, while you are working on yourself, life also continues. I just did my dance show and the reactions were very positive. But it’s always the same people who over and over have to have critique on my weight… You’d think they understand that you actually see yourself everyday in the mirror and that you are working your ass off. But no, they have to have comments on that bit of meat here or there. The thing is, I’ve been training hard, trying to eat as healthy as I can and not even a gram went off. I just came to except the fact that it’s going to take a lot of time and discipline. But while I’m training my but off, I’ve also grown proud of my body. I’m working on it damn it, and nobody knows that as much as myself! So we work hard, but we also must give ourselves and our bodies credit for it. There’s no use starving ourselves out or doing crazy diets, because at the end of the day, we know what the long term effects are… Let’s just take it one step at a time and one gram at a time! xoxo Sarah

    1. Hi Sarah!
      Thank you for this! Great job on dancing at your show!!! That is a huge accomplishment especially since I know that you have been practicing for this for months. I guess you’re right, the critics will always be there. It’s annoying that there is always someone there to “yuck your yum.” It’s true, if you look hard enough you will find dirt everywhere, but we can take that dirt and grow a garden!
      Keep up your hard work and healthy habits! This definitely will pay off. I agree, it feels like a very slow process and the number on my scale has not been moving much.
      Let’s continue to focus on how great we feel and honor and respect our bodies not matter what stage they are at.
      I had a wake up call this past week when I strained my hamstring. It made me realize that I have been taking my body for granted. I was inconsistent, very hit-or-miss with my nutrition and was still placing daily demands on my body…. There I go being too critical of myself. I will work on that :).
      Take care and know that YOU are Beautiful, Sarah!!!

      ❤ Alana

      1. Hi Alana! We are all critical on ourselves. But we also must take our moments to appreciate our bodies :). I often think, yeah I’m not perfect, and who is? But we are lucky that we do not have health issues (yet). That’s why I try to look at my body, endearing it, telling it, it’s okay and that we’ll get there… I have been mistreating it by eating unhealthy things in the past… by doing crazy diets… I now work out and dance on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays an Saturdays. The remaining 3 days are devoted to my blog so my body can rest :). Maybe I should do a post on healthy and quick recipes soon, so it might inspire you!!
        Alana, YOU are beautiful in every aspect!! xoxo Sarah

      2. Sarah, thank you! This has been the most challenging year for me health and weight-wise and I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement. You are one of my inspirations. I am sorry if it seems like I complain a lot. That is one of the things I want to start working on –being more optimistic and positive.
        I like your style of planning and committing to your dance and workouts on specific days. I am going to try that.
        Have a wonderful week and thank you for being Beautifully You!

        ❤ Alana

  5. I know you posted this quite awhile ago, but I searched WordPress for weight loss and this post came up. I’m also trying to lose weight, and I’m enjoying following other on their journey. I’ve never been one for working out, unless walking the dog counts. I’m just working on eating healthier. I should be taking more progress pictures, I think it would make the end feel that much sweeter!

    1. Hi Sarah!
      I am happy that you found my post. I can definitely relate to you and walking the dog definitely counts as a workout :).
      Lately I have been trying to find workouts that don’t feel like work. Like short hikes or dancing. Getting started sometimes feels daunting, but I remind myself that I always feel better when it’s done.
      It is really good that you are working on healthier nutrition. That is the best way to get lasting results 🙂
      I haven’t taken progress photos in a long time so I am glad you commented and reminded me. It feels a little embarrassing, but like you said, it will be so sweet to see the progress in the end.
      Keep up the great work!!! I am looking forward to following you and cheering you on throughout your journey!

      ❤ Alana

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