Sometimes You Gotta Crash and Burn

Because that is how you learn…

This fall quarter had a rough start.  I felt strong throughout the first week and was pushing myself to study during every waking moment and even that did not feel like enough.  Then on Friday night I got hit hard by a raging headache and then the next day I could hardly pull myself out of bed.  The stress added to the intensity of my illness and before long I was alternating between fever and chills….  Followed by a yucky stomach bug.

I kept hoping that I would get better, but it only got worst.  Pretty soon I could not even lie down without feeling excruciating pain.  After a week of that I reached a point when I regretted not going to the doctor sooner.  I found out that I had a stomach bug and meningitis.  A week later, I went in for a follow up and found out that I had a cervical strain, carpal tunnel, and a possible fracture in my foot.  I mean, how does that even happen?!?!  How on earth did I fracture my foot when I could hardly leave bed and walk anywhere?!  Go in for one thing then come out with 3 more?  I only wish that I had been shopping.

I honestly thought that I would have to drop my classes, but one day I started to feel better.  I could sit up without feeling dizzy and my head was not constantly pounding.  My neck and back were still sore, but I could somewhat function so I decided to dip my toes back into a chemistry lab in week #4.  I feel blessed that I had a supportive and kind lab group and the teachers were also encouraging.

I spoke with my professors and they all said that I could try to move forward with what was left of the quarter, but I would probably lose some credits.  This is understandable because I missed more than 2 weeks.  I dove into my studies, but the problem was that my chemistry mid-term was already on Monday.  I did my best to complete the practice test and prepare, but not everything stuck in the 2 days that I crammed.  I sadly didn’t pass, but that wasn’t a surprise.

Overall, this quarter sucks and it feels like a waste because I could have spent this entire month learning, but instead I was held up in bed trying to heal and recover.  I must say that for a solid week I wanted to take “the easy way out” and take medical leave, but I have decided to do my best in the time that is left.

I know that I will not be a star student and I probably will lose credits, but I am proud of myself for sticking with it and making it a point to learn even if I do crash and burn.  I feel like I have a new lease on life after being so sick.

There is the definite nagging voice in my head that tells me I am a failure and that I am falling behind because I am already a junior and this quarter got so messed up.  I am choosing to acknowledge that voice and still give it my all because I know the past me would have given up from the first fall.


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