Do You Add Your X’s and O’s?

Most of you probably remember that I dropped off the face of the planet a few years ago when I deleted my facebook, instagram, and social media.

At the time, I was a busy lady.  It was the year my partner and I had bought our first house and I started a new full time job and also started going back to school full-time.

My life had dramatically changed that year.  At the beginning I was coaching swimming and working at a pool like I had for 4 straight years.  Then suddenly spring came and I decided I wanted more.  I got accepted into the local college and got good grants at school.

I had had the same solid group of friends and consistently chatted with the same people for a solid 2+ years, but I noticed that they started to treat me differently as I entered this new phase of my life.  This often happens when you make BIG, BOLD life changes.  We branch off into our own directions and sometimes grow apart and that is okay.

I did have a handful of some of my dearest friends who have stuck with me to this day through all the highs and lows.

In October of 2015 I decided to delete my social media because I needed to focus on school.  At the time, I was studying computer science and discrete math and I could not resist the temptation to check my profile every 5 minutes.

My Facebook-Free life lasted for 2 years and it was just what I needed at the time.  Last spring my cat decided to make an Instagram (add us!):

Alleyjandras_adventures

And a few months later I caved and made a facebook.  It has been a nice way to get back in touch with friends and family that I have not talked with in years!

It has been nice to keep my friend circle small.  I have noticed a strange phenomena in these past recent months.  A lot of my exes have been trying to add me…  I know I am great and all, but seriously?!?!  It didn’t work out before and now I have to remind you that it didn’t work out and I am not interested in being friends?  Ouch!

I get it, sometimes I get curious about people and what they have ended up doing with their lives, but it doesn’t mean I want to go back to being “friends”.  Being friends means there is a possibility of talking and I personally don’t want to talk about how it didn’t work out when I worked so hard to move forward and not look back.

I am probably overthinking this, but I stand with my decision to say “no thank you.”

I think that a lot of people don’t think the way I do…

In my late teens and early twenties I used to think that it was okay to just go back to being friends, but over time I have learned that it just does not work for me.

I also cannot do casual, friends with benefits, dating more than one person or any of that.  My heart can’t handle the strain.

I feel that someone from your past is kind of like an option.  And when you continue to talk with them it is almost like keeping your options open.  There is a reason why it didn’t work out or why that crush you had for forever did not choose you.  They had their chance and it just didn’t work out…

It took me a long time to find the love that I am with right now.  In fact we met at a time when I was not actively looking for someone.  I was working on myself.  If I had been busy chatting with exes or hanging out with other options I might have missed that magical moment when we met. ❤

It took a long time for us to build up our trust in each other and I would not trade it for the world. Our growing friendship and love is worth-it! It took making the choice to be faithful and never making the other person second best.

Because I think that when we talk to exes while being in a relationship that it is not fair to the person we are with.  I know that if the person I am with were to tell me they were talking to an ex I would feel like they are treating me like 2nd best when I know I deserve to be number one!

This is what has worked for me and I know that it does not always work for everyone.  Some people are completely fine with having “best friends” from their past and I say more power to you!

Me?  I would rather live a little more simply.  I have a small group of friends and I like it that way.

It is a little different if you are single.  I think that we can learn from our pasts in many ways just make sure it does not keep you stuck in the past.  Also don’t ever lose hope or settle for less because you do not think you can do better.

The most beautiful things happen when you don’t expect them so stay open to impromptu adventures and know that miracles happen and dreams do come true ❤

Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

❤ Alana xoxoxo

 

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