Unedited Raw Thoughts…

I have been gone for too long…  Let’s just say that my life has been a little crazy and full of BIG and beautiful changes.  My sister and I are closer than ever which is one of the biggest blessings.

This year has been the year of re-visiting my old hobbies, passions, and interests.  I started painting again in March which has been a beautiful way to express myself.  Although, lately I have taken a few weeks off…

For some reason, I never thought I would ever study music or sing again.  Then one day I chose a music theory class rather than computer science.  This class was advertised as an introductory course (I even went to the academic fair for the first time ever to talk with the professor and make sure there were no pre-requisites for the class and he said there were none) but let me tell you, this class feels a little too advanced to be an intro class.  I admire the brave souls who have joined me in this adventure.

We sold our 1st house!  The timing was right and things have worked out in our favor.  I am really looking forward to our new adventures!!!

I can’t imagine life without my Dad…  Last January he had only 20% left of kidney function.  And I could have sworn that 2 weeks ago he had 7%.  This past week he had to start dialysis… And today the doctor said that dad has total kidney failure.   There is nothing harder than watching someone you love suffer so much and feel so powerless…  I am glad that we have this time together and I have to remind myself that ever moment is so precious.  I still cannot imagine life without my dad, but something deep within my heart is telling me to be strong and to not burst into tears.

Thank goodness for my family and my friends.  My boyfriend has been my biggest blessing.  He has stood here with me through thick and thin.  My friends and my professors, even my newest ones that I just met this quarter have been so kind and supportive.

Losing weight has been a struggle.  I haven’t had time to work out consistently and it feels like my entire life has been in a total disarray.  Seeing my dad suffer and struggle with so many health problems is inspiring me to get my shit together.

We are building so many domes.  Last year it was yurts galore and this year it is domes.  I have a feeling that this one will stick!

I feel like a lot of things are falling apart and I am doing my best to hold it all together.  I know that this is temporary and that all this shall pass.

Life is still beautiful.

5 thoughts on “Unedited Raw Thoughts…

  1. Sometimes it just feels like everything is happening at the same time. And I sometimes find myself going through those moments without much thought and on automatic pilot. But it sure is important to stay still and observe your surroundings… My heart breaks reading about your dad. I couldn’t imagine living without mine either. My prayers are with you, Alana! xoxo Sarah

  2. Thank you for your prayers, Sarah! My Dad is thankfully doing much better now that he has been on dialysis so I am thankful for that. I am so glad that we had quality time together before we moved. I felt a little guilty moving while my family is going through this, luckily my sister is there a lot and it is easy to fly back. Having all these changes with a little distance has been a good reminder that life keeps going even in the midst of hardship and sadness. I am in a much better mental state now that some time has passed and dad is doing better. Continue to cherish the time with your family. You are making memories that will last forever ❤ Alana

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