I’m Upset!

Hello July!

I see you!  And I still cannot believe that half of the year is already done.  That’s okay we just have to make the most of the time that is left!

This is going to be the final summer of my twenties and at the very end I will be turning 30.  At least we are going out with a BANG!!!

I remember back when I was 19 I was a Hott mess… Back then I was a devout Catholic Girl (square-bear) and I went to a very Conservative Catholic College that did not allow us to have cell phones or personal internet.  After 4 months of studying Latin as a spoken language, the great books, art history, Euclidean Geometry, and Theology I had got into a terrible accident in which a horse threw me and I landed on my neck.  Thankfully I was not paralyzed, but it sure cramped my style.  I tried my hardest to stay in school, but I could barely get out of bed because I was so sick. I was constantly in pain, dizzy, nauseous, and sensitive to light and sound.  This made it extremely difficult to function.  I  still finished my work and turned in my homework.  I fought to stay in school, but I needed to go home to get CAT scans and MRIs.  To this day I still live with that chronic neck pain.

We even went camping in the winter time!

That didn’t stop me.  Once I recovered, a bit I started working 3 jobs and I enrolled myself in the local community college.  I started taking my prerequisites for nursing school.  It is kind of crazy to think of the fact that I probably would have been a nurse by now.  Why the hell did I ever stop?  I was excelling at my classes and working full-time (actually overtime).  Pressures at home were too strong for me to handle at the time. I was told over and over again that I was a failure So I took a train down to the Bay Area and landed in Oakland.   Once I arrived I started  school and had several job interviews.

I guess at that point life had more lessons in store for me.  I ended up in an extremely physically and mentally abusive relationship and almost did not survive.  I will not go into the nitty gritty details, but looking back I can say that it doesn’t always pay to be the “nice girl.”

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that is where I was when I was 19 and the start of my 20’s was a living hell, but I got through it and I am a better person because of it.  It could also just be that this glass of red wine has me “all up in my feels.”

No matter where you are right here and now know that you have the power to change your life and create a future for yourself.  It is all up to you my dear darling friend. No one else can do it for you!   I feel blessed to be where I am right here and now and I am looking forward to see what the future will bring!!!

Me –being goofy ❤

When the glass shatters and it feels like everything is broken just know that you can piece yourself back together and create a beautiful mosaic.  OR it could be that you were meant for greater things and that broken window will open up a whole new world to you.  Never give up and keep hanging on to hope!  I believe in YOU.  Xoxoxo.


Love, Joy, and Blessings Always,

❤ Alana


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