I spent so many years fighting and feeling upset whenever I got sick or had to deal with health issues.
I also spent so many years heartbroken by the circumstances I found myself in and the effects they had on my life. I desperately wanted to heal my heart, mind, and soul from the trauma and physical and mental abuse that I experienced.
It has been a little over 8 years since I left a severely abusive relationship. That person showed up on my doorstep on Thanksgiving and I had to go into hiding, constantly look over my shoulder, and even thought I would have to change my name to remain safe.
I remember feeling so powerless, fearful, and so alone. At the same time, I felt blessed that I decided to come home and that I had friends and family to encourage and support me. That person tried to haunt my life for 2 more years before they finally stopped bothering me.
This used to be the most painful time of year for me and I would get so many nightmares, flashbacks, and body memory. For awhile I wondered if the nightmare would ever go away and hoped that someday I would be able to live my life without walking on eggshells or looking over my shoulder.
It took a long time, but the healing slowly took place.
At first I talked about it fairly frequently. I hardly knew how to handle it and needed to talk through it to process everything. Then 2 years after the person stopped bothering me I decided it was time to actively move on.
The man in my life right now helped me by suggesting that I start leaving that painful story in the past. He saw that when I recounted the events and talked about it; it hurt me and made me feel sad and weak.
I fought it in the beginning then decided to give it a try. I stopped talking about it and it stopped having power over me. I stayed busy and worked hard to reinvent myself.
I am talking about it now to reflect on my progress and because I am proud of how much my heart has healed. When I think about that time and the pain I experienced that person I was is feeling more and more like a stranger to me.
So the next time you feel heartbroken, sad, sick, or ill. Try not to fight it. Take deep breaths, reflect, and give yourself a chance to rest.
This week I was so stressed and upset about being sick and missing class and my workouts. It felt like I was getting worse and worse, but yesterday I chose to get excused from class to rest. I also made the decision to take the week off from working out. Once I made those decisions, it put me back into an empowering place and I noticed that I started to feel better.
No matter what you are going through, I want you to know that healing takes place. Give yourself time and get lots of rest.