Whatever You Like

Yesterday 10 years ago I took a train down to Cali and landed in Oakland…

I had to strike out on my own and nobody was going to stop me.  I wrote a note and left it in the rice cooker for my family.  At this point, I don’t even remember what I wrote.

There were many signs, but I ignored them all…

While I was waiting for my cab (there was no Uber or Lyft back then) I had to run in and realized that I started my period.  How inconvenient!  That year there was a major storm with lots of flooding and I still got on the train and watched as we sped past the flooded towns…

That was another sign that I ignored…

The woman I was sitting next to complained about everything and was a cigarette smoker.  I got the worst headache in my life and had to bust out the CDs (yes, actual compact disks) and zone out to songs like “Banana Pancakes” and “Bubbly Toes” by Jack Johnson.

More signs that I ignored…

The grumpy woman took the window seat and kept the curtains closed the entire time.  What a waste of a perfect view…  I landed in Oakland and that was the beginning of the end.

If I had to name this time in my life I would call it “Not my brightest moment.”

I was young, dumb, and trying to make it.  I got stuck in an awful abusive relationship and almost did not make it out alive.  I won’t go into the nitty gritty and literally bloody details.

Yesterday I realized that it had been 10 years since that day and I wanted to commemorate it somehow…

10 years later, I realized that I am in a much better space and am making better choices.  I am moving again, but doing it the right way.  This time around I am not running away, but finding a place that I have never gone before where the sun shines more frequently.

The abuser I was with back then told me that I could have “Whatever I like,” but it was all a lie.  This time around I am going to reinvent myself and live the life I have always dreamed of.

24 hrs from now I will be in a new place where I have never been before…

Wish me luck!

❤ Alana

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