Today I noticed that I was being extra critical of myself. That has been an ongoing theme in my life lately… I have been extra critical and beating myself up over all the good food and drinks I enjoyed over the holidays.
I have to admit that this morning I looked in the mirror and felt immediately disgusted by the extra fluff around my waist or the way that my clothes do not make me feel as svelte and sexy as they did a month ago.
I sort of clicked into the “I need to love myself exactly where I am at right here and now mode.” I think it is honestly kind of easy to use that as a cop out. I know that I have many times. We often get into this “mode” when we are ashamed of where we are… Ashamed of our current condition… Ashamed that I “let myself go”…
I decided to pause and ask myself, “What does loving myself in this skin and size really mean?” I realized that it is easy to say, but actually hard to do. Sometimes I say it then it immediately gets thrown on the back burner. Or worse, I use it as an excuse to continue to overindulge. “I love being big, curvy, and beautiful.”
And while this is true, the reason why I want to keep this pattern in check is because I do not want to excuse myself to the point that I get so unhealthy and develop health conditions that are irreversible. It could happen… It happens to people everyday.
The older I get, the more I cringe when I think back on my upbringing and that phrase. “Everything in moderation.” The truth is that “Everything in moderation is NOT okay.” Some people simply cannot metabolize alcohol and carbs very well and I happen to be one of those folks.
I want to experiment with a new kind of “love.” Yes, love is acceptance, but love is also saying no to the things we would like in the moment because we are thinking about our future selves.
Love can be simply saying no…