There are days when I can walk to the store with my head held high and smile at people passing by.
Other days I barely feel comfortable in the skin that I am in and I cannot be around other people without sweating and having to remind myself to breathe.
Again, it is plain to see that this is all simply anxiety, but it is such a drag when it keeps me from enjoying the little joys that life has to offer.
Simply anxiety keeps me sitting at my computer on sunny days when I would rather be outside soaking in the rays.
Simply anxiety forms my mouth into the word no rather than saying yes to grand adventures and spontaneous voyages. Some of my favorite memories are those impromptu adventures.
The townhouse community that I live in has a swimming pool and a hot tub that is surrounded by chaise lounges, palm trees, and cabanas. There is even a fountain that adds to the ambiance of the setting. I often think of sitting out in the sun and reading or going for a swim. The pool is not a lap pool, but there is enough room to swim around.
But my anxiety keeps me hiding away wishing that I could be brave enough to sit out in the sun.
This afternoon I wanted to sit out in the sun, but I saw that someone else was already outside so I started writing this post about “how I am afraid of sitting in the sun.” I asked myself in that moment, “what am I afraid of?” And my answer was that I am afraid of being seen. The pool area can be seen by other residents including myself and also the ladies at the front desk. I realized that I was afraid of being seen then I reminded myself that I used to work at a pool and shared it with lots of people. There were even times when I sat in the jacuzzi in a crowd and it never bothered me before.
Today I decided to be brave and I sat in the sun, swam laps for 21 minutes, then stretched in the hot tub. I also read a letter from my sister and wrote a letter to my friend Paige. I am so happy because instead of writing about how I am afraid of sitting in the sun; I can write about how I faced my fear and it was worth it!
I think I will sit in the sun more often! It was totally worth-it and it was so nice to do what I wanted to rather than hide away.