My motivation has been as low as my morale. I have experienced the loss of 3 loved ones so far this year. The first was my cousin who was in a tragic accident. The 2nd was my best friend Kathy Morris. And this past weekend I lost my Grandma Alice.
I am usually inspired to write some of my greatest blog posts and create some of my best art in times of deep sadness, but I have not done this because I think it is hard to acknowledge the fact that Grandma really is gone…
I just had such a lovely conversation with her less than a month ago and I am so glad that I did, but my heart and soul still needs to adjust to this shock and the grief needs to set in so that I can face it.
All I want to do is eat cookies and milk. Grandma used to always have a jar of freshly baked cookies every time we went to visit her. I think the sugar craving is so natural because that is how I must have coped with sadness in the past.
I have managed to remain consistent with my workouts through all this sadness and I believe they have been the glue that has held my life together. That sounds awfully dramatic, but I have been down the deep depression path before and it was not pretty. It often took a greater misfortune to snap me out of it.
This time around, I want things to be different. I want to be realistic about my goals, acknowledge my feelings and sadness, but not allow anything to keep me feeling down for long.
There are many things that I want to do. Things that I know would make my life better, but it has been hard for me to find the motivation to do them. I will just take baby steps and before I know it I will be a lot closer than I was.
This morning I meditated for 5 minutes and that is a big deal since it is one of those things that I have been avoiding. I tried dancing on my own last week, but it just is not the same as dancing with a group of people.
I think for now solitude is a good things for me and it will give me a chance to be introspective. In this moment, I do not need to push myself to get out there and be around people. I do want to make sure that I am still challenging myself to learn and grow in the process.
I have reached week 12/12 of my current workout program and feel overjoyed over this fact, but I am honestly feeling a little burnt out. This is the longest I have stuck with a strength training routine and I am honestly discouraged that my number on the scale has barely budged in the past 4 months. I know these major transformations take time, I just hope that I am on the right track.
If you are still reading at this point, thank you for sticking with me. This was basically a splattering of my random thoughts, concerns, insecurities, and hopes for the future.
How do you heal a broken heart and deal with sugar cravings? Do you have any good book recommendations? Please comment below!