I am not a fan of goodbyes so I will lean in to the change instead…

Goodbyes have always been hard for me.  Sometimes I would rather just disappear…

And when things are really heart-wrenching and painful I usually write about them in my journal or in a blog post.  This time around I could not bring myself to do it because I did not want to accept the fact that my Grandma Alice really is gone.

She passed last Friday on Good Friday and I found out about her massive stroke the Friday before that.  That week was the hardest because I knew that each day was bringing her closer to heaven.

I am so thankful that 3 Sundays before that I was finally able to get in touch with Grandma Alice.  I had been trying since Christmas Eve and I got sent to voicemail each time.  Then one Sunday out of the blue I decided to give her a ring and to my surprise she answered.  We had such a wonderful conversation.  Grandma’s voice was always so uplifting and joyful.  I told her about how I am finally completing my college degree.  I also told her about my future plans and how I am planning on going to a city in the Big Island.  She said, “I grew up 100 miles from there.  Can you believe that I still remember that?  It has the most beautiful weather and feels like paradise.”  We spent a little more time reminiscing and I got to tell her that I loved her.

BeFunky Collage
So many wonderful memories with Grandma Alice

I cannot bring myself to say more about this because I miss her so much, but I am so thankful for all the wonderful memories that we had together.

I am not a fan of goodbyes so I will lean into the change instead.

I love you Grandma Alice

❤ Alana

6 thoughts on “I am not a fan of goodbyes so I will lean in to the change instead…

  1. I am terribly sorry for your loss! I hope you find the courage you need to lean into the change instead. She is in a better place.

  2. Sorry for the loss of somebody you love. I lost my father end of June this year and am still trying to sort it all out. I hope you are okay on the times you remember she’s not here anymore.

    1. I am sorry about your loss. That is so fresh. Those are the times that are challenging. Just last night I had a dream where I told a family member that Grandma is gone forever and woke up crying. Gone forever just feels so final. I am trying to use it as a reminder to appreciate the people that are still here. Sometimes it is easy to forget that we are not here on earth forever. I am sending you hugs and hope that you are healing.

      ❤ Alana

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