I have been craving sweets a lot lately, but I think there is more to it than that. I have everything that I need and I never want to take my blessings for granted. In fact, I cannot think of another time in my life when I have had so many things that I have always wanted. I have love, I am healthy, a dreamy dollhouse in Maine that is happily rented out, 2 houses in a dream destination, a fun and sporty car complete with the rack on top, property with land and a landscaped garden, I live in a place where I can easily go to the beach and swim in the bay, I am about to complete my degree, I run a successful business, I work from home, 2 kittens, and my beloved fluffy cats will be joining us here soon, I am also working on projects that are close to my heart.
So why do I still feel sad and down at times?
Maybe I feel sad about the fact that I still feel sad at times. Because I know in my heart that I should be happy and celebrating my life. I am glad I decided to hit pause and figure out where this sugar craving is coming from. I think I miss being more active. I have been active here. Exploring, working, and spending hours working in the garden, but I got used to hitting the gym and dancing.
Maybe I get down because I know that I am capable of so much more. My life has been a thrilling roller coaster this entire year. I have lived in 3 different places in just 7 months. I know that I needed a little down time after 3 major moves, but now it is time to push myself a little more.
When I think back to the last time that I felt alive and happy it would be last fall and this past winter. In the fall it was not an easy time. I was in school full time, apart from the love of my life and my cats, and dealing with health issues. It was a stressful time, but I was also challenging myself to workout, fix my nutrition, study hard, try new things, spend time with friends and family, and dance as much as I possibly could.
The end of the year was hard and cold and I decided to spend the rest of the winter in a sunnier place. I chose Scottsdale, Arizona and I spent the next 4 months studying hard, and hitting the gym almost everyday. I realized that dancing alone just was not the same as taking dance and Zumba classes with my friends. My partner was busy working full time and I think spending all that time alone was good for me. It gave me lots of time for self-reflection and it gave me space to dream. It was there in Scottsdale where I dreamed up the life that I am living right now. I also started running the business which is doing really well.
I think it is also safe to say that I took way too many selfies there in Scottsdale, but is there really such a thing?!?!
I spent about 2.5 weeks back in my hometown before moving here. I had made plans to join the gym for a month and take as many dance classes as I could, but it did not turn out that way. I did get to swim in the Puget Sound and spend some quality time with my sister.
And now I am living here in this mystical, magical place. I do not feel like I am homesick because I feel like I have come home and I belong here. I think I feel the distance. I also miss dancing with my friends. I miss hitting the gym hard.
But really, the only person keeping me from getting a good workout is myself. So I think that will be my next project because I know that I am always happier when I am active and challenging myself.