Is it bad to admit that I feel like a mess?
It honestly feels cathartic to admit that I feel like a mess.
Feeling like a mess does not mean that you are a mess because feelings change.
The pieces of my life are fitting together beautifully and I still like I have so much room for creative expression and growth, but my emotions have been spinning out of control.
Lately I have been feeling more down than up and it is hard to pinpoint why…
Last night I had a vivid dream that I was exploring and when I got home I was greeted by my Great Grandmother. I knew that she was my great grandmother, but she looked so young and her voice sounded just like my Grandma Alice’s voice (her daughter.) I told her about how Grandma passed away in April and that she is gone forever. And right there it hit me like a freight train in the night. My Grandma is gone forever. And it felt so final. I woke up sobbing feeling the sorrow of loss.
I miss being able to call my Grandma and hear her voice so cheerful always accompanied by her laugh. I miss her stories and how she loved me no matter what shape or form I was in. Grandma loved and accepted me unconditionally and I miss that.
I think my sadness and struggles have been internal. It feels like I am closing one chapter in my life and getting ready for a new one. As I reach for my goals and dreams I want to make sure that I appreciate the angels that are here in my life right now. Sometimes actually too often, it is too easy to get caught up in the trivial trips and stumbles in day to day life.
Every day is a gift.
Today I let my hair down and went to the newest sandy beach in the world. I think it was exactly what I needed.
Here’s to more adventures like that.