It is hard not to go crazy when we live in such a crazy world.
I know that sometimes my thoughts overwhelm me to the point that I feel paralyzed. When I take a closer look at them I realize that they are worries. These worries are usually worst-case scenarios or things that I really do not need to worry about.
When I was 10 years old I had a swim coach who told my parents that I was a sweet kid, but she was concerned because I worried about everything. She was right back then and even 20 years later there is still some truth to what she said.
I think that worrying gives me a sense of control that I am afraid to let go of. It is a strange and twisted sense of security. These worries that swirl around in my head keep me from moving forward and growing and I want to set them free. Life is going to happen no matter what and I want to spend my life working towards my goals and dreams rather than worrying about all the bad things that could happen.
My current solution is to go crazy for my passions and submerse myself in my obsessions. Last summer my obsession was getting healthy and going to the gym. In the fall it was dance fitness and school. In the winter it was school, traveling, and getting grounded. In the spring it was school, my internship, taking over the business, and working out in the hot desert of Scottsdale. Lately it has been school and work, work, work, work, work.
One thing that I know about myself is that I thrive when I am working towards my goals this was my typical schedule from the time I was 12-16:
- 3:30-4:30 wake up and practice violin
- 5:15-7 swim practice
- 8:30-2:37 school
- 3:30-5:45 swim practice
- 6-8 homework
- 8-9 practice voice
- 9-11 practice violin
- between 11 and 12 I would do homework then head to bed.
On the weekends I had swim practice in the morning followed by a 3 hr youth symphony rehearsal then I spent all day Sunday catching up on homework, practicing, and going to church. And many weekends had swim meets that lasted all weekend long. My life was extremely regimented and structured.
When I was 16 I tore my rotator cuff and my doctor said that I either had to get shoulder surgery or take a year off and do physical therapy. I decided to take time off and that was when I fell in love with teaching swimming lessons. I got my first job at our local YMCA and then I took off running. By the end of that year I had 4 jobs. I worked at the Y, The Valley, Discover Aquatics, and I was an office assistant at a plastic surgeon’s office.
At 17 I left for college and had no idea what to do with all the “spare time.”
While I am not going to go back to the intense schedule of my childhood, I will make sure that I schedule some “me time” like many of my blog friends here have suggested. I am also going to keep pursuing my interests, learning, growing, and making it a point to worry less.