Growing Pains & Setting Boundaries

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

I took an entire week off from my workouts.  Last Wednesday I was going strong and was proud of the fact that I had worked out for 7 days in a row.  I had been doing evening workouts before bed because that was when I could fit them in.  On Thursday I got really frustrated because we made plans to go for a walk then a swim, but we had someone come over to ask my bf questions about a technical project.  My bf came up with a plan for us to set a time limit on the meeting so that we could still carry out our plans when there was daylight.  I was a little apprehensive about having this person over because they usually like spending several hours here and they do not catch on to hints.  Thursday was no exception…

It turned out that the clarifications could have been done remotely and my boyfriend tried a bunch of times to tell this person that we had to go to town within the hour, but they just would not leave.  Another things is that when they have come over in the past and spent several hours here it has been kind of distracting for me because I cannot concentrate on work as much as when it is just my partner and I.  On that day I had been working the entire day and also wanted to squeeze in a workout at some point, but I do not like to do my home workout when people are over because our office space doubles as the workout space and I like having privacy.  Well, they went outside and were there for 2 more hours and by the time my boyfriend convinced the guy to leave it was dark and too late to do anything.  I was so upset because I had a feeling this would happen.

I was not upset with my boyfriend because I know that he tried to get this person going politely.  I was upset with the person because I felt like they did not respect our boundaries.  I know that we are cool to hang out with and all, but we had plans and I was looking forward to them.  I was so disappointed and pissed and it lead to a chain reaction.  My boyfriend said that he talked with this person before they left and he told them that we need to spend more time together.  I have been working so hard running the business and we need more time for our relationship.

My bf and I made plans to do something fun together the next day.  I went to bed Thursday night feeling a little better, but then the next day that same person offered to mow our lawn first thing in the morning.  While under normal circumstances this gesture would have been warmly welcomed and appreciated, I got disproportionately upset.  I felt like this guy was trying to push the boundaries again.  Didn’t he get the clue the night before that we needed time to do things?  My bf told him that another day would be better, but my feelings of discontent lingered throughout the day.  I had a lot of work to do and did not want to do anything fun until I was caught up.  That day I broke down and at first I could not figure out why then together we figured out that I was burned out.  That evening my boyfriend insisted that we go on our adventure intervention and he helped me catch up with work while I rested.  It did wonders for my soul.

I probably sound kind of harsh and cold-hearted.  I do enjoy helping people and being generous with my time, but I also believe that there is a time and place for it.  I spent the first 25 plus years of my life being the “nice girl” and going above and beyond for people.  My bf is even more generous with his time and resources than I am.  In those 25 years, so many people took advantage of me and I ended up being depleted and barely able to get by and reach my own goals.  I learned that I needed to set healthy boundaries and learn how to say no.  Additionally, I have seen people take advantage of my partner so I have become very protective of us and our time because I know that while we can rebuild our money and our resources; we will never be able to get our time back.

Nowadays I keep my inner circle very small.  I would rather live a quiet peaceful life spending my time on what is important to me than being a popular person who is depleted and completely scattered.  I often feel too scattered even when it is just me doing my work.

Yesterday I finally did my workout and it felt good, but by the final stretch I felt discouraged and by the end of it I burst into tears.  I was frustrated and upset with myself because I felt like in the last year I have not made any progress with my fitness.  As I was cooling down and stretching I noticed that I have lost some of my flexibility from being so sedentary.  I was also disappointed in the fact that working so much has taken away time that I used to spend working out.

It honestly takes a lot to balance or rather prioritize life, work, relationships, fitness and family.  I do not have kids yet, but I know that many people do all of this while raising a family and I have to hand it to them.  It is so challenging to make a living, have healthy relationships, and live a healthy life.  Another dilemma that I am faced with is the fact that my boyfriend and I are different as in our bodies respond to things differently.  He is over 6 feet tall and has a fast metabolism.  He can do a few push ups or walk for 20 minutes and his body responds so well.  I get frustrated because my body does not respond quickly.  I could diet and work my butt off for hours and the results come slowly.

Last night he was very sweet and supportive he said that we could hire someone to do the work to free up our time and we could adventure and work on getting healthy full-time.  While I appreciate that a lot I felt a little worried because his idea of getting healthy is that we should walk for 10 miles a day everyday.  I know that would have its own benefits, but I want to take a more sustainable approach.

I think it is time for me to implement a little more structure in my life, but to also schedule in time off so that I do not burn out.  There has got to be an affordable, sustainable way for me to live a healthy life and have a great relationship.

I guess these are growing pains that happen when you grow.



3 thoughts on “Growing Pains & Setting Boundaries

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