For the past 9 years, the time between my birthday (August 26th and August 29th) has always been a painful, tense, and emotional time for me. 9 years ago on my birthday I almost didn’t survive. I had just turned 22 and that night I knew that I needed to create an escape plan for myself if I wanted to keep on living.
I was brainwashed and losing myself and I thought that I was the problem. It was an awful, violent relationship and I had spent the past 2 years of my life hoping and praying it would work until that night. I will not go into the awful details of that time in my life, but here is a post I wrote with the details if you are curious. It was an open letter to my abuser.
I am thankful that I do not even experience the details of that time in my life anymore. For years it haunted me with recurring nightmares, flashbacks, and through body memory. Thankfully, those heartbreaking memories are fading away with time and that sad, beautifully broken girl that I was almost feels like a stranger. I wish I could have been there for her back then and I am glad that she continued to hang on to hope.
It is true that the sad times give us soul, but they also take a toll.
I could not for the life of me figure out why I was feeling so off this week and I think this is a direct factor. I have almost been afraid of tomorrow because it is August 29th (the year that I escaped and came home) I want this to be the year that I let it go. My story will always be with me and I know that it has cut and sculpted me into who I am today, but I want to let it go so that I can set myself free.
I have made up my mind that tomorrow I will be extra gentle with myself. I want to celebrate who I am today and how far I have come.