Pressure’s On to Try Not To Stress”Storytime”

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

I think October was the time of year when I first started posting my to-do-lists on my blog.  If I am not mistaken, the year was 2016 when I had returned from New Zealand right in time to start a fall quarter of Computer Science Foundations.  It was a stressful time and writing my to-do-lists, checking things off, and venting about it on this blog helped me keep my sanity!

Let’s take a moment to remember some fun New Zealand memories before I snap back into reality!

It was such a beautiful, vibrant place.  A true melting pot with so many different cultures and beautiful birds.  My favorite was of course, the Kiwi bird.

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We thought we would stay in New Zealand forever and were prepared to do so, but we missed our cats.  And talk about visiting home for Christmas led to us coming home and one thing lead to another and before I knew it I was neck deep in CSF class…

Now let’s zoom in to the the current day.  The here and now.  I may not live in New Zealand, but I am pretty happy here in Hawaii.  It really is paradise.  I believe that I am even happier here than I would have been in New Zealand (and if I wanted to I could always go back in the future.)

It is hard to believe that it has already been 3 years since the fall that we returned home from New Zealand.  I was only a sophomore in college back then and I felt like I was drowning.  Looking back, I would not trade any of it: the stress, the illnesses, and injuries, the multiple times we had a long distance relationship, the tears, but there was also a lot of joy, endless laughs, and grand adventures.  All of it lead me to where I am today and I am thankful for all of it.

This week I was feeling nervous and honestly a little stressed because a dear friend of mine contacted me and wanted to talk on the phone to plan out a visit.  I love visiting with all of my friends and they are always welcome, but I have social anxiety and it almost doesn’t even matter who it is; I always get so nervous and for some reason the thought of talking on the phone makes me to nervous because sometimes my mind goes blank.

I have come to accept that most of the reasons why I get so nervous are mostly in my head and really are not real.  The anxiety and flood of emotions distract me from enjoying the moments that happen.

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This was in June of 2012
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Laughter with friends for memories that never end ❤

Yesterday afternoon Tsuneko and I were able to talk and make plans and I am so looking forward to reconnect with her.  We met back in 2010 in Aikido class.  She is a sensei and I was a foolish 22 year old healing from trauma and navigating her early 20’s.  I am so glad that we connected and became friends.

Then a few years later she moved to Seattle and I got embedded in the struggle of working multiple jobs and stopped going to Aikido class.  I think it has been 7 years since we last spent time together and I am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

At first I thought that I would meet her at a coffee shop, but after talking it over with my partner we both agreed that we should invite her to our home.  I am a little anxious because I am not the best at entertaining.  As you know, I have been a minimalist for the past several years and we have our 4 cats.  Luckily, I remember that Tsuneko had 2 cats.

Another reason why I think it is a good idea to invite her to my home is because I want to share the beauty of this beautiful place and I think it will bring even more good, positive energy to make happy memories with one of my dearest friends.

I was going to turn this blog post into a to-do-list full of tasks like cleaning, mowing the lawn, and more yard work, but I don’t want to turn this occasion into something that I dread.  I am already nervous enough.  So I will do the best I can to make our home a clean and inviting/ warm and welcoming place.

Wish me luck!  I am excited to see my friend, but also more nervous than ever.  I will let you know how it goes!

❤ Alana

 

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