Workout and Word of the Day #121

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

Today my motivation feels like it has dipped below zero.  I have been feeling sad, depressed, and unmotivated since yesterday evening.  Maybe I am coming down from a mountaintop.  For the past few weeks I have been feeling motivated, inspired, enthusiastic, and energized.  It has been a great feeling and I have been riding these waves and enjoying the view from a higher place, but yesterday I felt like I was coming down.

It could be because I have skipped my meditation for several days in a row.  Or maybe because my partner and I have had slightly different sleep schedules.  Maybe it is because we got a flat last week and have been driving on a spare which I am thankful for, but I wish we could just get our new set of tires installed already.  I also think it could be because I just finished reading 2 really enjoyable books.  I read “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes which was so inspiring to the point that I might make my “yearlong project for 2020” a year of yes.  I also finished reading “Night Film” a Novel which was an intriguing page turner.  

I am kind of in between books at the moment.  In fact, I have 3 that I have started to read, but I am already a few chapters into 2 of the books and neither really have me sinking into the hammock rapidly turning pages.  So I think I will go ahead and read the book that I have been waiting in line on hold at the library for since September.  It just became my turn and I might as will dive in.  I was hesitant to start because it feels like most of the books I have been reading have mainly had strong female roles, which I enjoy, but I would like to read more variety.  The books I have been reading are not cookie cutters of each other, but I feel like I could use a little more variety.  Do you have a booklist you are reading from?  What are some of your favorite books?

Also, as inspired as I have been feeling I have also been feeling equally overwhelmed.  There is a lot I want to do and try, but I do not even know where to begin.  And most of the things I want to try would require me to start at the beginning and I am worried that it will take too long.  For example, this morning I declared that I was going to get back into coding and crack open the Java Programming book, but then my boyfriend gently and kindly told me that he did not think that the life of a coder really fit my personality.  In that moment, the words were crushing, but he is also kind of right.  It is not beyond my intellectual ability, but I  am probably not meant to be one of those nerds who spends hours with her bum cemented to the chair in front of a desk debugging code.  Sitting down too much breaks my body and makes me feel sick.  So I might have to approach this whole career thing from another angle that allows me to showcase my talents and skills.  I am doing a great job of running the businesses and it is bringing in good, consistent income, but I still want to do more.  I don’t even really know what my dreams are and that thought is depressing because for so many years of my life what I wanted “was what my parents wanted.”  Breaking free of all of this is not that easy.

Workout of the Day:  Fun Fat Burning Cardio

Word of the Day:

quixotic– adjective

  1. Extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, or impractical.
  2. Impulsive and often rashly unpredictable.

So yes, my mind and heart feels weary.  I want nothing more than to just bury my head into the pillow, pull my blanket over my eyes, and disappear.  I do not feel like socializing and thankfully we do not have plans for Thanksgiving so we can just chill.  I feel myself withdrawing and I can tell that I could get lost in this if I allow myself to, but I want to be better than this.

I have been through this before and I know that I can get through.  I just have to keep doing what will bring me closer to my goals.  After I post this, I will do today’s workout even if I feel like I am just going through the motions.  At least I am doing things and trying because I am not going to give up.

For now I plan on shortening my strides into baby steps because I know that steps in the right direction will still get me where I want to go.

I hope you are having a decent day and have a Happy Thanksgiving if I do not see you before then!

❤ Alana

6 thoughts on “Workout and Word of the Day #121

  1. Well…. I think dr Brogan would say make sure you have b-12 levels high…
    And other nutrients could really be impacting your energy and affect! Maybe – keep a food journal too – to see if certain foods have a connection to your moods!
    Also note the moon status – maybe have four columns where you can keep track of things —
    But ups and downs are also normal – you know as we decompress and restore – but you know yourself and any patterns and habits –
    But I really believe the gut health is related to everything.

    1. Thank you. Yes, it could be that I have low b-12 levels. It has been awhile since I have kept a food journal. I was keeping one religiously from January until May when I was getting ready for the move here then I just fell off with it, but it is a good time to revisit my habits and find out where I can tweak and change.
      We are also going to get an instant pot so I can start making bone broth. I am looking forward to it.
      I am thankful for my friendship with you. Thank you.

      ❤ Alana

      1. Well just keep the journal to look for patterns – seriously – you might be seriously gluten resistant – or the full moon phase might mess with you! My friend realized she can’t eat “nightshades” and she got off tomatoes and other nightshades

  2. And one more little tidbit – (sorry – don’t want to be long winded – and if I ever need to write a lot I would prefer to email ya)
    But also monitor your reading – and the music you listen to – we are spiritual beings and sometimes we pick up the energy of an author or musician and it can be heavy spirited!
    Seriously – there is certain music I will not listen to because it has a heavy dark energy – and some books (and even art) can be that way.
    Guard your inner spirit

    1. You never have to apologize. I really appreciate your comments and it means a lot to me that you take the time to write.
      I am glad you mentioned this and it could be impacting my mood. I didn’t even think about it, but it is true. This week I finished reading a novel that was a mystery that mentioned black magic and some dark stuff that I do not believe in. I started feeling weird and sad the next day. This is the first time since graduating from college that I have had any time to sit and read fiction. I will definitely be more careful in the future.
      So yes, it definitely affects us.
      Thank you for looking out.

      ❤ Alana

      1. Wow a hearing what you said about the book content gave me chills
        – I bought a music cd in 1991 and felt to toss it. Not even donate it to a thrift store – and it was a greatest hits cd for 20$ (going back to early 90s) and I know god was telling me not to listen to it!
        I mentioned it to my husband once or twice and just a random story – until! Think it was in 2007 or 2008 – the lead singer of the band was interviewed and he said they had a seance (sought that dark world) to try and help their later music go big (yuck) – but the hubs and I chatted about it afterwards and really believe there was something connected to that CD I felt to toss.
        Hm – I know a lot of folks don’t like talking about this – but I really believe the spirit we have can be impacted and we need to guard it carefully – which I know you know – like even toxic people can suck the life out of us.
        And there is a popular show that I watch and I never feel uplifted after the episodes – and feel the opposite – heavy and drained – and sometimes I guess it is okay – but other times it adds up and it is not worth it –
        Not worth staining the mind or soul –
        And so prefer to feed on things that edify – lift up – fuel – and give life – because then I go out there with something to give – and with zest!
        One time – couple years ago – I taught this class with 35 students – normal class size is 20-
        And half were on a retake (long story) so many were open and hungry and desperate to pass.
        This atmosphere led it to where certain lessons had me giving encouraging speeches and rabbit trails with motivational rants! Ha! Well one of the professors working down the hall (we were near her office because the extra large class needed a special room) and she told someone –
        Right in front of me –
        That sometimes when she overheard class lectures – she wants to run outside – wave her hands in the air and say “I’m alive” (something like that)
        But Alana – it was a huge compliment – I was honored (and it helped me later when I had one of my hardest class – some tough students who were resistant to feedback and just punks – they came around but it was way different atmosphere )
        Anyhow – my point was not to brag – but the reason I feel like I can offer some encouragement – the reason I have any zest or that aliveness that is so contagious – is because of what I feed on – and what I don’t feed on!
        Ya know – and so I really praise god for the joy he gives and that peace he plants deep inside –

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