Hello My Dear Darling Friends!
Today my motivation feels like it has dipped below zero. I have been feeling sad, depressed, and unmotivated since yesterday evening. Maybe I am coming down from a mountaintop. For the past few weeks I have been feeling motivated, inspired, enthusiastic, and energized. It has been a great feeling and I have been riding these waves and enjoying the view from a higher place, but yesterday I felt like I was coming down.
It could be because I have skipped my meditation for several days in a row. Or maybe because my partner and I have had slightly different sleep schedules. Maybe it is because we got a flat last week and have been driving on a spare which I am thankful for, but I wish we could just get our new set of tires installed already. I also think it could be because I just finished reading 2 really enjoyable books. I read “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes which was so inspiring to the point that I might make my “yearlong project for 2020” a year of yes. I also finished reading “Night Film” a Novel which was an intriguing page turner.
I am kind of in between books at the moment. In fact, I have 3 that I have started to read, but I am already a few chapters into 2 of the books and neither really have me sinking into the hammock rapidly turning pages. So I think I will go ahead and read the book that I have been waiting in line on hold at the library for since September. It just became my turn and I might as will dive in. I was hesitant to start because it feels like most of the books I have been reading have mainly had strong female roles, which I enjoy, but I would like to read more variety. The books I have been reading are not cookie cutters of each other, but I feel like I could use a little more variety. Do you have a booklist you are reading from? What are some of your favorite books?
Also, as inspired as I have been feeling I have also been feeling equally overwhelmed. There is a lot I want to do and try, but I do not even know where to begin. And most of the things I want to try would require me to start at the beginning and I am worried that it will take too long. For example, this morning I declared that I was going to get back into coding and crack open the Java Programming book, but then my boyfriend gently and kindly told me that he did not think that the life of a coder really fit my personality. In that moment, the words were crushing, but he is also kind of right. It is not beyond my intellectual ability, but I am probably not meant to be one of those nerds who spends hours with her bum cemented to the chair in front of a desk debugging code. Sitting down too much breaks my body and makes me feel sick. So I might have to approach this whole career thing from another angle that allows me to showcase my talents and skills. I am doing a great job of running the businesses and it is bringing in good, consistent income, but I still want to do more. I don’t even really know what my dreams are and that thought is depressing because for so many years of my life what I wanted “was what my parents wanted.” Breaking free of all of this is not that easy.
Workout of the Day: Fun Fat Burning Cardio
Word of the Day:
- Extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; visionary, or impractical.
- Impulsive and often rashly unpredictable.
So yes, my mind and heart feels weary. I want nothing more than to just bury my head into the pillow, pull my blanket over my eyes, and disappear. I do not feel like socializing and thankfully we do not have plans for Thanksgiving so we can just chill. I feel myself withdrawing and I can tell that I could get lost in this if I allow myself to, but I want to be better than this.
I have been through this before and I know that I can get through. I just have to keep doing what will bring me closer to my goals. After I post this, I will do today’s workout even if I feel like I am just going through the motions. At least I am doing things and trying because I am not going to give up.
For now I plan on shortening my strides into baby steps because I know that steps in the right direction will still get me where I want to go.
I hope you are having a decent day and have a Happy Thanksgiving if I do not see you before then!