Be-YOU-tifully You Project 2.0 Week #47

2019

Hello My Dear Darling Friends!

This was a busy week for me work wise.  I feel like I went through the entire circle of emotions.

the-feelings-circle

I have been so happy and pleasantly surprised by the visits I have had from my sister and my friend Tsuneko.  Then I started feeling bad probably from working so hard physically and mentally.  I think the stress was building up and weighing me down a bit.  After that I started to feel fearful. My sister told me about a rumor my mom spread and I started worrying about what people thought and got really self conscious, anxious, and insecure.  Then I felt angry when I decided to get to the bottom of the situation.  I reached out to my friend who was involved with the rumor and she put my mind at ease saying that none of that was true and it must have been a misunderstanding.  Once I found out the truth I was relieved and glad that I decided to stand up for myself and my partner, but I was also angry about it too.  Why spread this kind of rumor in the first place to paint us in a bad light?  More than anything I was disappointed, disgusted, then sad.  So I buried myself in work and reading books and they helped me escape all of these feelings.  The past two days I was struck by a deep sadness that I didn’t think I knew the cause of, but now after reflecting, I know exactly why I was sad.  So now I feel a sense of peace and I am happy once again.

Also, this Thanksgiving season is historically a tumultuous season because on Thanksgiving of 2010 my abusive ex showed up at my parent’s front door violating my protection order.  It was a terrifying time and I had to find a place to stay while he was in town.  Always looking over my shoulder.  I was even advised by my victim advocate to consider changing my name.  It was definitely a grim time in my life and it makes sense that I would feel out of my element during this anniversary season.

At the same time, I am so thankful to be where I am right here and now.  I am happy, healthy, safe, and my life is full of blessings.  I want to continue to learn, grow, and become my best self.

My weekly posts are often very long and sometimes I wonder if people ever read through them.  This seems like a good place to sneakily embed my progress pics.  I get kind of self-conscious about my body, but I am trying to appreciate myself and where I am right here and now.  So this is where I am right here and now and I am proud of my hard work and consistent effort.  Also, please don’t judge me for my messy room.

I had my final evaluation with my beloved computer science professor.  I say beloved because this teacher has been there for me from the beginning.  The 1st time I met professor Weiss he asked me what I knew about raspberry pi’s and I said of course I know about raspberry pies I will bake you one.  Then I quickly realized my error.  I have grown so much throughout my academic journey and I feel lucky that I got to work with such a brilliant mathematician.  All I have left is to submit my final report and then I will be completely done and graduated with my undergraduate degree…

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I love this campus ❤

The truth is that I could have made my degree happen way back in July, but I think I have been subconsciously dragging my feet because I don’t want this time in my life to end.  I have absolutely loved being a student.  It has felt like such a luxury and a nice break.  I cherish the lessons I have learned and I am almost afraid to take this leap into the real world, but I just have to go for it and continue working hard, smart, and hoping for the best because that shit works!

A lot of my time has been freed up from beautiful automation and I have been trying to figure out how I want to spend my time.  It can definitely be overwhelming and I think I will make a list of the things I want to do then rate them from a scale of 1 – 10 (yes, I am pretty sure there are at least 10 things I would like to try.) Then bravely start checking them off my list!

Here are my posts from this week.  Check them out:

I am pleased with my blogging activity once again.  I guess when I am feeling down it really inspires me to write and blog more.  I am thankful for this fact.  ❤

November has been a wonderful month full of so much joy and growth!

NOVEMBER: RESPECT

“When we treat people merely as they are, they will remain as they are.  When we treat them as if they were what they should be, they will become what they should be.”

-Thomas S. Morison

  • Use good manners.
  • Give positive reviews.
  • Offer a helping hand.
  • Honor and respect yourself.
  • Honor and respect others.

With only 2 whole days left in November, I guess this is a great time to start thinking about my December goals.  Here goes!

DECEMBER: CLEANLINESS

“Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it.”

-Dee Hock

  • Plan ahead and prepare.
  • Set Goals.
  • Dream BIG.
  • Sleep at night.
  • Get an early start.
  • Let go of everything that doesn’t bring you Joy.
  • Photography.

It looks like it will be time for me to get back into my morning ritual / bedtime routine and I am looking forward to it.  It has been awhile since I have made it a point to rise early.

It is Thanksgiving around 5:30 pm and I haven’t eaten anything yet so I am going to cut this post “short.”  I hope you are having a lovely holiday!

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My weekly Be-YOU-tiful pic ❤

Love you all!

❤ Alana

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