Growing “Pains”

For a few years I’ve gone back and forth about re-piercing my tragus, the cartilage in my ears that I got pierced when I was 20 and having a blast in college.  Inspired by my swimming teammate, who had gotten her nose pierced for her 40th birthday, and a tattoo for her 50th birthday, I thought, I will do it for my 40th birthday.  So, I went to the piercing place, full of nervous excitement.  I had prayed earlier, asking God to only allow me to do this if it was His will, and the door were opening, so it made me feel like everything was going to be great.  I laid down on the table and waited – the piercing happened – and as it did, I thought “why do people do such painful things to look good?”  Then it was done.  I felt excited!  I did it!  I got my ear re-pierced.  Throughout that day and night I felt like a new person, wondering if anyone noticed the new earring in my ear, and I felt grateful that I didn’t have to point it out to my husband that night.  My ear still hurt, and I noticed some bleeding as I cleaned it before I went to bed.  The next day when I woke up, it was swollen and more bloody.  I looked at it and realized I honestly didn’t like it.  I wondered if it was just the pain talking – maybe I didn’t want to walk through the healing process – but no, the more I looked at it, it looked ugly to me!  I felt frustrated.  What should I do?  Based on the pain, I felt like the only thing I could do was ask the guy who pierced it to take it out.  I called him, waking him up, explaining that it was bleeding, and he told me I could put ice on it, giving me remedies, that this was normal.  I listened and said okay.  Then we hung up.  I went to the bathroom.  Maybe I could take this out myself!  No.  I had to ask for what I want.  This is something I have struggled with all my life.  I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel very embarrassed and/or afraid to ask for what I really want.  I called the piercer again, and asked him if he could take the piercing out for me.  He said yes.  Ahhh.. Relief.

When it was finally time to get the earring out, my mind had gone in so many circles – was I sure this is what I wanted – I had already gone through the pain, and I just needed it to heal, then I could try cuter earrings, it really didn’t look that bad, it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but no matter what, I knew that I did not love this new earring and I knew I didn’t really want it.  Even as I laid on the table, the piercer asked “yah, it looks swollen, like its supposed to, are you sure you want to do this?”  But I bravely said “yes”.  Although it was scary to have the earring removed.  As I headed to my car and looked at my ear I immediately felt so much better than I had with the earring.  I realized I don’t need an earring or anything else to change the way I look, I am fine just the way I am! 🙂