Drama in Disobedience

Yesterday I was laying on the couch watching a movie and I started to get this itch. I’ve gotten it quite a few times over the past few years. It’s this itch that comes and goes, to find the perfect Bible. I’ve gone to bookstores time and time again, and come home empty handed. I’ve ordered different versions from different websites. But I still haven’t found “the perfect one”…. The perfect one is of course the one that makes me super happy, is easy to read, and gives me joy every time I read it! It helps me feel deeply connected to Jesus, and yah, it looks cute too. I am not sure when this obsession started. One of my best friends gave me a Bible I loved many years ago, and I still have that one. It still is amazing, just very highlighted! As I was watching the movie, I knew God was telling me not to go to the bookstore. I had other plans that day – to get my haircut, perhaps get my eyebrows threaded too (ouch!). The movie wasn’t filling my cup so I turned it off and decided to go to Barnes & Nobles. I told God this is the last time – if it isn’t here, I will not go anymore. He says he will supply ALL my needs, and he does!! He is faithful. He does miracles, and he does them for me!!! More on that in another blog soon. So why can’t I trust him with the current Bible I have? I went to a sex trafficking event and at one of the booths they what looked like the perfect Bible on display, the one that would fit my needs! It was beautiful, had margins I could write in, was the right version, no commentary, and Jesus’ words were in red! I told them I wanted to buy one, but they said they were for the victims. I felt frustrated, but glad that this group was giving out such beautiful Bibles to people in need! I searched and searched until I found the Bible on Amazon, and it was on sale!!! So why couldn’t I just buy it? I didn’t trust all of the online reviews, I wanted to hold it in my hands and purchase it. I didn’t want to wait a day. I felt like Barnes & Nobles would have it. Who cares if I had a Bible that worked fine, that God was speaking to me through! Barnes & Nobles had many Bibles, it felt overwhelming. I found a version of the Bible that I wanted, but it was smaller than I thought, and I wasn’t so sure that a hardback cover would meet my needs if there were other versions with leather covers! I pondered a few, looking through them to see if they were “the one”. But in the end, I went home empty handed. The truth is that none of these Bibles could meet my need. I have to listen to what is being said in the Bible – it doesn’t matter what it looks like – and then apply that to my life!

I’m still struggling with this issue – looking at things, thinking that they are better than what I already have. But God says he will provide ALL my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). That’s pretty crazy when I think about it. And he does do that!! When I receive his gifts and stop looking at everything else, they are perfect for me. He knows me best! He knows what I need. It just takes some time for me to trust, receive, and believe.